Birds

I don’t know how everyone else feels about birds but I don’t like’em. Now, if I didn’t own a car I may feel differently, but I do. Don’t get me wrong my 2000 CR-V is not exactly the “hot-rod” of cars, but I try to keep it moderately clean. I don’t plan on getting another car for many years to come so I’m trying to keep it in good shape.

If you hear me on this, let me know. I can wash my car and it will shine, boy howdy. Just like being in someone’s wedding guarantees you’ll never see them again, when I wash my car it is a guarantee that a flock of birds will crap on it. It used to make me mad when I first got my car a year ago. Over time I’ve learned to just be moderately annoyed and take greater pleasure in eating chicken and turkey. I’ve decided to write birds off. They just don’t seem compassionate. Ok, I guess I shouldn’t be talking since I’m telling you how much pleasure I get from eating birds now… but, they started it! Ok, so maybe I ate chicken and turkey before they started crapping on my car, but I did have a parakeet when I was a kid growing up! That should so even things out!

Here’s the thing, they don’t JUST crap all over my car. They also crap all over my car windows too! That’s so disgusting! Why in the crap do you have to crap all over my windows!?!??! Do I go and crap all over your birds nest?!?!?! NO! Do I get up at 6 in the morning and start playing my music really loud right outside your bedroom!?!?! NO! Woops. I guess that just kinda slipped out. But while it is out in the open, why do they pick my bedroom window to sit on and start singing before the sun rises!?!?!? If they were smart enough to know that I do eat other members of their bird family then I would understand. It’s not like I’m eating their brother, it’s more like their great aunt Margaret who they didn’t even like in the first place!

So once again today I have to go out and clean my car again. They got the hood really good. I mean the bird that got my car has to be the Birdzilla of all birds. The crap is easy 4” in diameter! Four inches! Sick! I’m just waiting for the day when I see this 30 lb. bird the size of a large dog flying around. I’m not a NRA member, but if these birds keep taking out my car, I may consider it. It’s not like I live in the country… Birds. Sick.