headship of the church

I've recently had a conversation with a person dear to me about being part of the body.

We all agree that it is an important thing to not be a solo Christian. Many errors come from not partaking of the Christian community. Another danger is not putting yourself under the headship of the church. 3 John 1:9-10 gives us the example of Diotrephes, a heinously sad example of a man. “Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us.” Here Diotrephes decides he doesn’t need to listen to John, the apostle, the man who spent three years with Jesus and was specially commissioned to lead the church! Or for that matter, any of the other church authorities! How often can we say the same thing? Regularly I meet young 20s who will have nothing to do with the church leadership. I agree we need to listen to what God is telling us, but without the context of Christian community, part of a local congregation, I believe we put ourselves in a great danger, bypassing the authorities God has prepared and instituted, both in the leadership of the church and also by not honoring the older men and women of our church. Please share your passage references and thoughts.