How to Lose Two Fish

The dreaded relationship fish appeared at my dorm room about a year ago, hand delivered by my girlfriend (friend at the time). Now if I remember correctly, at the time they were not relationship fish they were buddy fish, that is fish given by a group of buddies who thought it quite humorous to give me fish after I specifically asked that I not be given plants or animals.

There they were, swimming around in this little tank one of my friends had sent me in the mail, I fed them with fish food sent from another friend, and was suppose to receive decorations and gravel from two other friends. In all the five of them conspired to give me fish. Supposedly my friend Scott was the mastermind, but my girlfriend was the follow through executioner, who made sure that I would get those fish.

After we started dating within the month, the fish soon took on a dynamic known as the relationship fish. It was not admitted to until long after I had them. Many of you wonder why the fish didn’t get the boot the first day after she left. Let me explain. I couldn’t bring myself to kill fish, especially if my friends just drop them on me. I fed them, cleaned their tank, and bought a bigger tank with a bubbler.

As spring of last year turned into summer, I bought a bigger tank, then a larger tank still, I use that term “tank” in a loose sense. It was actually a storage tub, the sides were bowing out and it was voted ghetto by everyone that came over (what do they know!). This tub was approx. 15 gallons so they were pretty much living in the Taj Mahal. I threw in some plastic seaweed, some new rocks, and of course a brand spankin’ new water filter/pump.

At this point you’re wondering how in the world did you ever get rid of this monstrosity? Instead of downgrading I was upgrading at a fast pace. You’d almost expect to see a manatee swimming around in a pool in the backyard by the end of summer. What happened was I pawned it off on my girlfriend at the end of summer as I was leaving, claming there wasn’t enough room in my dorm (which was true given it was a 15 gallon tank). She was gracious enough to take it. I think that’s when I realized she really liked me. She was even taking my jumbo storage tub filled with fish.

She downgraded the tank to a five gallon, one made of glass, the kind that is designed for fish. She moved them into her apartment. After a while she suggested I take it back, luckly she had bought a glass tank designed with panels, and my dorm doesn’t allow us to have that kind of tank. Then glory of glories, they changed the policy and we were no longer allowed to have any pets, fish included in our dorm. I don’t think she believed me for a long time but eventually the reality of the situation sunk in. She had been stuck with the fish. I was home free! And that my friends, is how you lose two fish.

What ever happened to those fish? She got sick of them and they were “returned to their natural habitat”. No, she didn’t flush them, she sent them into a pond, to swim with the fish. (Note: I don’t recommend anyone who receives relationship fish to dump them, find a way to give them back, trust me, its better this way)