so english isn't my language

it has also been recently been pointed out that english isn't my language....

Matching clothes...

My girlfriend tells me I can’t my feet together. It’s a painful truth, but I just plain don’t know how to match nothin’ I guess. For example I went up to visit her in Portland two weeks ago and I wore a green t-shirt with a tan dress shirt over it with blue jeans and some sneakers. She waited until the next day and subtly told me that I didn’t match the day before. Honestly, I thought I was stylin’. On Sunday I thought I would push my luck and wear a similar outfit, another green t-shirt and the tan dress shirt. After church on the way to lunch one of my buddies tells me I don’t know how to dress and decides he’s going to take me on has his new style project. This is hilarious to me. I guess I will always be an engineer no matter how hard I try. Personally, I still think the outfit wasn’t lookin’ so bad.

Identity in ministry?

This past week was a bit discouraging. I debated not writing about it, fearing that some of the college students at our church might read it, but I guess it will be a good lesson in the imperfection of humans. Here we go.

I put a lot of time and effort in arranging something recently in the ministry God has placed me in. By all human measurements, it failed rottenly. I found myself struggling with basing my identity in my performance in ministry. I know that I shouldn’t base my identity or feeling God’s ‘approval’ in how well I am doing, but still when I fail, it’s not a good feeling and the temptation to believe that God is disappointed in me because I failed is real. In retrospect, I’m glad when God lets me fail on some level because I think it helps me re-evaluate what I’m really thinking, not what I think I’m thinking. It caused me to really deal with how God views me when I fail.

To which I must agree in asking, "Is this one for the people? Or is this one for the Lord? Do I simply serenade the things I must afford?"

modern scholars

It has finally turned fall here in Lexington. I’m sad to say that I’m actually kind of glad that it is here. School is going well, I’m reading a lot of commentaries and trying to decide how to best deal with all the modern scholarship against the traditional writers of the NT. I don’t agree with modern scholars, and frankly I’m not really convinced by their case but I have to wonder how I’m going to deal with it. How do you approach a bunch of Christians that don’t think that the people claiming to have written the NT aren’t really the writers? If the writers don’t have the integrity to be honest in who’s writing them (writingin the sense of dictating or directly writing the letter), then why in the world would we take them as a credible source? I think the answer is that a lot of modern scholars while acting like they still would keep the credibility if the author was other than asserted in the letter, really want to use it as a basis for throwing out whatever they decide they don’t like, something that rubs against the culturally accepted values. It’s odd to me because I think most Christians (outside of these ‘great’ scholars) would agree that the Bible is always counter-cultural. That’s what being the Bible means! If it didn’t rub the cat the wrong way so to speak, then what value would it be? Would it be valuable to tell us, “Hey you’re doing everything right, don’t bother reading!”

fixing...

I have no idea what to write about so I’ll talk about what God’s teaching me. He’s teaching me to be thankful for what he’s given me. I can see this in the convictions I’ve felt lately. I’m by nature a fixer. I fix things. Whatever it may be from relationships to electronics to church systems to whatever, I just have a tendency to see the problems, address them and move on. The down side is that I have a tendency to see all the problems and get frustrated with them. It definitely can burn people around me as well as burn myself if I don’t take time to focus on the good, thus the lesson I’m learning. It’s like I’m being shown how to fix the fixing fixation!

God's will

"I have found His will is always good; but the best thing about it is that I find Him there.
…
Almost every young person you counsel as a pastor wants to know God’s will for his life. How much more important it is for him to know God than to know what His will is! If we know God, His will becomes evident. We can’t miss it; it will come."

Dennis F. Kinlaw

Less than 25% in US are married w/kid(s)?!?!?!

I had to post this, it's amazing to me. Less than 25% of Americans are married with children. By 2010 it is suppose to drop to 20%. Divorce rates are high, living together is growing in popularity. America is in big trouble.

how human?

How human was Jesus? That was the question raised tonight in the dorm. An interesting question. Did he take a number one, how about a number two? The debate was raging on how did he struggled. Did he experience being sick? Did he get the common cold? Could he have gotten leprosy? He was ordinary and yet, not ordinary by any stretch of the imagination. Yes, he did bleed just like we do. He was tempted just like we are, but without sin. Did he struggle with the normal things as he grew through puberty? How did he deal with being single in his 30s? Did he doubt his own divinity or want to throw in the towel in ministry? How often did he feel discouraged? Did he feel depressed in his ministry?

let it come alive.

“The great tragedy of the Reformation was that when Luther died, Piper said [another Piper], Melanchthon edited his work. And when Calvin died Beza edited his work. Melanchthon encouraged the people of Germany to read the Bible to find Luther’s doctrine in it, while Beza encouraged the people of Geneva to read the Bible to find Calvin’s. Thus the Word of God was stifled again.
That was a comment for which I will never cease to be grateful. I am Wesleyan in theology, but I need to be very careful that when I read the Bible my concern is not to find what Wesley taught, but to discover the Word of God. If Wesley opens the windows on the Word of God (and he does for me), three cheers for Wesley; but the important thing is that the Word of God comes alive for me, so that I can share it with others.”
Dr. Dennis Kinlaw
from Preaching in the Spirit

one of those days...

Do you ever have those days where you’re given a lot of information and you’re not sure how to process it all? I’m there today. I just got back from visiting UK and am trying to figure out how best to go about setting the gold standard. Advice seems to run parallel and in tangent at the same time. Everyone agrees they want me to show up and hang out, but they really want me to come to their weekly meeting. I am just now realizing everyone wants me to be another body in their meeting, you know, helping the momentum grow. I'm not sure that's the best use of my limited time, actually, I think it's a horrible use of my time. God, grant me the wisdom to handle this correctly.

headship of the church

I've recently had a conversation with a person dear to me about being part of the body.

We all agree that it is an important thing to not be a solo Christian. Many errors come from not partaking of the Christian community. Another danger is not putting yourself under the headship of the church. 3 John 1:9-10 gives us the example of Diotrephes, a heinously sad example of a man. “Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us.” Here Diotrephes decides he doesn’t need to listen to John, the apostle, the man who spent three years with Jesus and was specially commissioned to lead the church! Or for that matter, any of the other church authorities! How often can we say the same thing? Regularly I meet young 20s who will have nothing to do with the church leadership. I agree we need to listen to what God is telling us, but without the context of Christian community, part of a local congregation, I believe we put ourselves in a great danger, bypassing the authorities God has prepared and instituted, both in the leadership of the church and also by not honoring the older men and women of our church. Please share your passage references and thoughts.

my Andimal

I realized that I haven't put a picture of Andi up on the web.... This could really backfire on me if one of her stalkers starts using it as their background... For my faithful, and not so faithful readers, here's a picture of my favorite girl in the world.

it is not the will to do great ministry....

"The will to win is the most over-estimated phenomenon in sport. It’s not the will to win – everyone wants to win. It’s the will to prepare to win that makes winners."

-Bobby Knight

prove what you know?

I just learned that you can't always prove what you know, and that's ok, you can still know it. A simple fact we overlook many times. I can't prove that I ate Oatmeal today, or that I had a pain in my ankle on Tuesday night, but both happened and I know them. Next time someone tells me to "prove it" because I "know it" I'll help them understand you can't always prove what you know. To prove something you have to have publicly accessible criteria. Thanks Dr. Walls.

life in Wilmore

I haven’t written on my blog in quite a while. I thank you for being faithful to a human who is less than faithful to his readers. It’s not that I don’t like you’re enjoyment, but blogging is just a hobby, something for me to do in my free time. Lately, that’s been non-existent. I am not complaining, don’t get me wrong. I’ve enjoyed spending time with my girlfriend before I left and now that I’m down at school, I’ve spent most of my waking moments preparing for the semester and making connections and setting the workings for the college ministry in place.

I should slow down a bit. I got the job of college minister at my church, First Alliance in Lexington. I felt a burden last spring that I needed to start doing ministry. I knew I needed to do it before then, but Greek was suffocating at best and left little time for normal things, such as reading my other class books. Now that I’m the college minister, I’ve been working hard at building relationships with campus groups at UK such as Crusade and the Wesley Foundation. I believe that God is asking the college ministry at FAC to reach out and start making an impact at UK. This means that I hope to equip the Asbury college students and send them out to UK to do evangelism, Bible studies and discipleship. I hope to also continue working with the UK students that are FACers. Needless to say, the first couple weeks down here are busy off the hook.

In other news, my new roommate is cool. He’s laid back enough and works with me on the things I love most. I am sleeping peacefully all night now. It’s a blessing that is ministering to me. My classes seem great, I need to be disciplined enough to make sure they get enough of my time. Of course, Andi, my girlfriend will be getting my time as well, and before anyone gets my time, God gets it. That’s a pulse check with me. I haven’t seen nearly anyone on campus still. It will happen in time.

The best story I have for you is that Andi, who gave me two goldfish last spring is watching them this fall in a twist of irony. Buwha ha ha. She thought she was going to get out of it, but somehow before I left, she took them. Now she’s trying to get me back by adding more fish to the tank. I should add that she bought a new tank and is now talking about upgrading the tank. It happens every time. I think that’s why they sell small tanks at the store, they know how people think and how they will be tempted to upgrade. It’s like crack, only fish owner crack. I told her that she is keeping the new fish. I’m not taking more fish, I was gracious once and spared their little fishy lives, but I don’t think I’ll tolerate more fish. I’ll keep you updated, semi-regularly.

An Unbelievable Witness

As most of you know, I have a girlfriend. Andi and I have been very diligent to have good boundaries in our relationship. I have accountability with my roommate and she will have it regularly with a friend who just returned home. I was at work today explaining that I took Andi to meet my parents this weekend in Cincinnati (thus my haircut that brought on the discussion). A co-worker started talking about how they let their children sleep with their girlfriend/boyfriend when they bring them home to visit, strongly implying that I also partake of the practice. I could feel their eyes on me as they waited for the response they assumed would be confirmation. In that moment I could see the worth of our purity, it is a testimony to the world, a sharp contrast, light in a dark place. I responded shaking my head no, “We have good boundaries in place.” The co-worker prodded me, looking for holes in my statement; I assume finding my statement wholly unbelievable. I know it’s hard for them to believe that a person would wait and preserve marriage as a holy covenant. It is unconceivable, unimaginable, something not of this world. Then again, who could ever imagine such a good God as the true God, our Father, is? The discussion went on, moving to other people sharing their children coming home stories, but the damage was done. A brick in their walk towards Christians came down. The witness of our relationship actively spoke to God’s goodness! It was like a new form of evangelism hit them! The kind you don’t bottle up on a few pieces of paper and hand to them, rather, the kind of evangelism that is lived out in lives of Christians who are pursuing God through holiness and a relationship with him. They sure won’t let me preach to them, but our actions, when so different from the norm, so unbelievable, opens the door for further discussion. Father, you are good. Good indeed.

the painful parts

It is amazing how God uses the most painful parts of my life to grow me in my relationships with my parents. I think it shows me how he is able to turn those things which the enemy has meant to destroy into something powerfully useful for the kingdom. A recent event I will keep nameless has sent my family out into the deep waters of emotional turmoil. Both my parents grew up in homes that were void of the deep Christian love I take for granted. It shows me the depth of sin and how our relationship with God restores us, even while we are broken, into a new level of wholeness even a hundred years of consoling couldn’t fix. I more and more realize how great a gift God has given us, how far we are restored and how much more we will be restored in the resurrection from the dead, when all in Christ will be given bodies that are perfected, that is, bodies that are not ravaged by the depravity of sin. As I grow as Christian I find myself growing in love to everyone I know. I feel emotions more powerfully, because I love more, as I am loved by God and love God more. I don’t know how non-Christians do it, they think they are living but in reality the hollowness they live is a paper mache shell of the true living and active life God desires for them. All of life is about a relationship with God. For the longest time I thought that meant I had to hear God audibly speak to me and say stuff like, “Ben, how was your day today?” I’m realizing how he speaks to me, I can see him speaking to me and to others through many things and I am able to know what he wants me to do almost instinctively (God’s guidance through his Spirit).

I must stop here, though. I would love to continue, but something must be covered. If there is not complete, and I do mean complete, surrender to God, just hang up any notion of being Christian and go live your hollow lives of desperation. I think most Christians live lives of unsurrendered living. We’re willing to give God almost everything, but we hold on to something, it could be a girlfriend/boyfriend, a child, a rock collection, money, maybe watching your favorite football team on Sunday afternoon, or an mp3 collection. Maybe you’re just not willing to speak to someone at work, love the unlovable, forgive the unforgivable. My point is, that we lose the joy God has for us because we refuse to give up everything to him, we don’t trust him with everything and lose for it. I can honestly say I’m living a surrendered to God life right now, it’s painful, especially when I have to slow down on the highway, repent of my mouth’s musings and do things I sure don’t want to (because I’m selfish).

But seriously, I feel so far inside of God’s will for me right now. It’s one of the greatest joys I think I could ever try to express. I find I’m listening to people more, ministering to people’s needs more, being gracious in ways I didn’t know I could be, and caring about people that only God could get me to love. What joy there is in our Father! It’s not an easy road, as in, there are bumps along the way, but God always sustains me. Great is your faithfulness, oh God, my Father, there is no shadow of turning with you.

mmmmmm

This looks good, probably even better after camping...

Go ahead please fight me

Fell in love with the game

But i forgot your name

Go ahead please fight me

Cause i'm not scared

Though you stayed the same

I forgot from where i came

-Blindside

I'm glad God disciplines those he loves. I don't know where I would be without it.

Gross hands

This is a post about washing hands after hittin’ the can. I must confess, the first time I started washing my hands regularly after using the can with the exception for #2, was in college. It was all thanks to the persistence of my dear friend, Adam Ewing. Without Adam, I’d probably still be a caveman, one that gets sick a lot. He convinced me that it was indeed sick to walk out of the can without washin’ the hands. Now, on with the post!

Many of us have experienced this, we’re washing our hands at the sink, when someone comes flying out of the stall and runs to the door and makes a departure. Instantly we’re jolted, “What just happened!?!?! Did some dude just walk out of here, after a #2?” What makes it worse of course is that they just grabbed the handle on the way out! Now, as you grab the handle, you can’t just grab it, you have to get a paper towel and grab the handle with it, or you might as well go take a #2 and not wash! We all know that it gets worse, not only did they just grab the handle, and probably the handle to get back into their office, but they will shake other people’s hands, handle money, use keyboards, push elevator buttons and may even be the guy who is serving you food!!!! This all said, JaBurd and myself have come up with a solution. Toilet police. They’ll watch over us like Batman over Gotham, like Superman over Lois Lane, like your boss over your shoulder when you’re reading this post. They can write tickets, pull people over as they are walking back to their office and even do raids on office cubes where guilty perps. have been walkin’ the streets for years. They’ll be funded by the government, hey, they’re the guys who sent monkeys into space, pay 500 bucks for a toilet seat and hire contractors to do work that they could do themselves! Don’t get me wrong, I think the police, fire fighters and CIA have an important job, but they’re not the only guys the government hires, they hire a lot of people! Even me! All toilet police will carry hand sanitizer on their belts, as well as Lysol and air freshener. They will sometimes sit disguised in stalls waiting for the guy next door to commit a violation. You’ll see them pulled over on the side of the hall too, ready to do random hand checks!

Ok, so this is a bit ridiculous, but there are other alternatives. One being we just all refuse to wash our hands and just “suck it up!” as my girlfriend would say. Another is public awareness like the smoking campains. “Just say no to toilet hands” “Dare to keep hands clean” They can do after school programs where they give kids candy after they wash their hands. Make movies about how cool it is to wash your hands. Get famous movie stars to pose with wet hands and put them on billboards that say “Got clean?” I’m sure you can think of a few others. The bottom line is wash your hands after the can! This post goes out to my boy named Burd, thanks for the brainstorming.