a tale of three cuts

It all started on when I went to the barber shop with my dad about a week ago. He was paying for cuts so I thought, “Man! I’m going to save 10 bucks!” I hopped in the chair and the barber was off, clipping and chopping and going to town. I went from having a very shaggy head to having a mop piled on the top of my head and the sides removed. At first I figured that maybe it was my imagination and really there was more off the top than I thought. After a while it became apparent that actually they didn’t cut that much off the top after all.

I decided to go with my old standby over the weekend and get a cut from Shrilly. She’s always done a decent job so I went in and got it cut this past Saturday. Sure enough she took some off the top and it was looking more realistic, the sides and top were matching more…. except for the bangs. I realized that she didn’t cut them very much at all. I thought maybe I was imagining things again, so I went to hang out with my buddies on Saturday night, I mentioned I thought the barber might have left my bangs a bit long and my friends agreed, so now I needed a third haircut.

I talked to my girlfriend who suggested I cut it myself. She tells me now that she wasn’t serious, but I stood in front of the mirror that night with a pair of scissors trying to figure out where I should cut. It was similar to when you’re trying to center an overhead on a projector and you keep moving the wrong direction. After hacking some of my hair up, I realized, “Boy, this is really stupid, I’m going to cut my hair to pieces. I’ll see if I can’t get Andi to fit it tomorrow.” I went to church the following morning and some little kids and a couple of adults commented on my haircut saying it was “straight out of a Japanese cartoon” and “cool-looking”. Eventually church ended and I arrived at Andi’s place.

She called in a professional, her mom. There we were, in the bathroom, my head hanging over a sink, Andi heckling me, poking me and her family watching as her mom cut my hair. She also noticed a tuff in the back they have consistently failed to cut the whole year. I thought it was just a cow-lick, so did Andi, until now…

The moral of this story is:

a) Never get your haircut by some guy at the barber shop who hasn’t warmed up yet, and maybe not by guys who are older than 60.

b) If you find that your hair has a continual cow-lick, try another barber

c) Listening to your girlfriend can make your hair look “Cool” and “straight out of a Japanese cartoon”

d) It pays to have a girlfriend whose mom cuts hair on the side

e) I just don’t think there is a moral to this story


The Evolution of a Haircut

tire pressure

I had just gotten my tire replaced at Sears, down in Lexington, Kentucky. I checked the pressure of the tires upon the observation made by my girlfriend who noticed that they seemed a little low. Indeed they were low, except for the new replacement tire which was inflated 10 lbs. over, which is 30% over inflated! It was rainy and wet, I was tired as could be, as was Andi. The weekend was eventful, and we were ready to come home on this Sunday night. I decided not to make a big deal about it at the tire place, who in their right mind replaces a tire and doesn’t make sure all the tires have the correct tire pressure?!?!? We drove to a gas station, and low and behold a guy was filling his tires, so a little bit irritated, I’m tired at this point, we drive to another gas station. Andi observes that this gas station also requires that you pay 50 cents to use their air. Not ideal, but no big deal, I grab 50 cents out of my wallet and proceed with pressure gage in hand.

The rain is coming down now, and it’s down right cold. I unscrew all the tire caps and measure the pressures to get a feel for how much air I will need, since it’s going to be timed and I’ll have to move quickly to fill up all my tires. The first two tires are filled without too much trouble, there is some trouble because this stupid air station has an automatic winder, so I have to fight it and stand on the cord so it doesn’t pull at the wrong direction when filling the tire. I move around to the third tire, the new one and release air to lower the pressure. I let out just a little too much so I begin trying to put the air pump on the tire nozzle. Unfortantley, I can’t get the pump on right and it keeps letting air out but won’t fill up the tire. Lower and lower the tire pressure goes. All the time, the cord is pulling and my hands are slipping in the wet, cold conditions. Then I hear the pump shut off and I know that I have to put another 50 cents in. I lose the grip on the cord, and it flies back, no joke, to it’s home, along with the air pump, I’ve lost my patience. I’m tired and just want to get home. Andi sees it on my face, I can tell. I move the car around to face the other direction, get two quarters and hop back out in the rain.

The air pump connects with the tire nozzle this time and I am able to fill it without any trouble. I know at this point that Andi prayed for me and the situation. How do I know, I think God told me he made it work this time and that I had Andi and him to thank for it. I move to the other tire and fill it up. I go get the caps and start to put them on the tires. As I’m putting the caps back on, a man inside an old car with tinted windows starts yelling at me and telling me to come to him, I think to myself that he’s an idiot, of course I’m going to ignore him and act like I can’t hear him. I finish, get back in the car and thank Andi for praying. She says, “You’re welcome”. Yeah, sometimes you just know God did something nice for you. We drive away and I check my mirrors for the punk who was yelling at me but I didn’t see him follow. I’m thankful that God loves and blesses me at times like this.

A Must Read

If you haven't read this, and I'm guessing you haven't, you need to.

http://www.fallennotforsaken.com/andy/2005/11/special-music-science-behind-art.php

Thanks Andy for shedding some light on a dark subject.

a weird experience

It was a few days ago, sometime in the afternoon. The dog started barking, which is usually an indication that the mailman or the UPS truck has arrived. This time it was different. The dog was going crazy, barking loud and often. He even ran down the stairs to stand against the door and try and spook whoever was on the other side. I went to the door, and walked outside, because it’s the only way to keep the dog from slipping through the crack and trying to get whoever is there.

As I walked through the doorway I noticed the old maroon minivan parked on the street in front of our house. An older gentleman of Indian origin was standing there, a step away from me. He spoke.

“I’m here to pick up Ate-E”

Puzzled, my response was, “I’m sorry, I think you’ve got the wrong house.”

Confusion came over his face as well, as he replied, “No. Right house. Ate-E”

At this the confusion on my face must have indicated he was not getting through to me, he then pointed to a scrap piece of paper the size of a post-it note, which had the name Katie scribbled at the top in pencil. It clicked in my mind, this guy was looking for Katie, not Ate-E.

“Oh! Katie. You’re looking for Katie!”

“Yes, Katie. I’m here to pick up Katie.”

“Yeah, there’s no Katie at this house. I think you have the wrong address, this is 5511. Which address are you looking for?”

He looked down and found the number, then replied, “No. This is house, grey shudders, grey house, 5551. I drop her off here.”

Just for a minute put yourself in his shoes. Here you are in another country, where the natives don’t understand you clearly. You’ve dropped off your daughter or granddaughter at someone’s house. You come back to pick her up and one of the natives, a man, in his 20s tells you that you have the wrong house. He acts like he doesn’t understand you, has no recollection of your special little one. There is a dog barking in the background. You’re trying to figure out what you’re going to do. Is this guy going to give her back? Is this the day she’ll be lost forever?

I know he’s confused, and he shows me the paper to prove he has the right house. I’m trying to keep conversation with him while I read. It appears he is on the right street, just not the right house. He’s looking for 5551 not 5511. Now I don’t know which way 5551 will be on the street, because honestly I never look at the numbers to know. I say to the man, “Ah…. well… let’s ask the neighbor, Paul. He might be able to help us.” I walk with the man, towards my neighbor. “Paul. Do you know who lives at 5551 or where their house is?” He seems less than interested and mumbles that the houses next to his are out of order. This only adds to my confusion as I head up the street with the old man following me, close. I have to commend him on his patience.

As I walk up the hill, I realize that we are indeed increasing in number, soon we should find 5551. I talk to him explaining what we are doing. “We’re looking for 5551, it should be up here somewhere….”

Then it happens. “This is the house! This is the house I dropped her off at! Grey shudders, grey house!” I looked, sure enough, 5551. I could see the tension lift from his face. “Thank you, thank you!” I handed him his scrap of paper, and then headed down the hill towards my house. I turned to see him following me. He spoke again, “I am going to go get my car, and drive it back up the hill.”

I nod and reply, “My name is Ben.”

“My name is Rev. What is your name again?”

“I’m Ben.” We then commence into small talk briefly. He thanks me again, hops into his maroon minivan and drives away.

It was a weird experience.

the other ME(s)

I recently thought I would see if I could find Dawn's blog since she hasn't told me what it is... alas, there are billions of other Dawn Douglass' in the world. Who knew?

Then I got curious and thought I would see how many other me(s) there are.

I found I'm a Catholic Apologist, Vice President of it actually (I rock)
http://www.catholicintl.com/catholicissues/lsst.htm

I found that I work at a Church of Christ leading worship, ushering and serving communion
http://www.plazachurchofchrist.org/Jan2006.htm

I also found I'm a swimming coach in CINCINNATI (that's where I live). Werid huh?
http://www.angelfire.com/hi5/punahouaquatics/TEAMINFO/coaches_bios.html

Lastly, it appears that I live in Oregan somewhere around Portland and really really don't like Christians. Sorry I'm not going to give this guy any help via a link...

With all this in mind, I think I've just wasted your time and mine. Have a great day!

The Ben Douglass

O-H-I-O

What great weather we’re having here in Ohio! Maybe it’s global warming. I sure am not a scientist, but it is 20 degrees above average consistently. What’s up with all the frog extinction talk? All I can say for sure is praise God for blessing us with nice weather here! I love skiing as much as the next guy and sure I’d love to build a snowman, but while the weather is nice, I’m thankful for it. The dog and I have been out every day minus one this break and it’s been great to walk every day. If you’ve received a call from me, don’t think I’m hitting you up for money, I’m just calling my old friends to catch up. It’s one of the luxuries I’m able to afford with this break from school and work. If you haven’t gotten a call, please do call me sometime and let’s catch up.

Now with all the time off, you would expect a good story or something. I don’t really have one. The most interesting things in my life involve the daily activities of the dog. Unless you want to talk Bible stuff, then I’m studying authority and inspiration as they relate to the Scriptures. Don’t throw stones at me yet, I’m not leaving my roots, I’m just trying to understand what’s out there and why they hold what they do. I’ve also been doing a lot of reading on the C&MA denomination. They are kind of like a Presbyterian Methodist Baptist Pentecostal mutt that has a large emphasis on missions. Now if you’re really amped about another denomination and you’ve researched it, I’m open for suggestions. I’m ok with the cross-pollinated denominations as long as they are defined in what they believe and it is a genuine Christian denomination with accountability and some structure to ensure dangerous teachings are kept out.

Ironies

Peanut Butter has more fat and saturated fat per serving than bacon, over double the fat.

It cost me $10 to buy my brother his Christmas present and $5 to ship it to him here in Ohio, but it arrived much later than expected, so I had to ship it again, this time it cost me $10+ to ship, making it cost more to ship him his present than the present itself!

Because school requires a lot of reading, and hoping to get a jump on classes, I checked out of the library the books used for last semester, only to discover after starting my reading that the books had all been changed this semester, thus putting me back to where I started minus the time invested!

A Dog with Two Heads

Now you've seen everything, even a dog with two heads. So consider your life fulfilled... Unless you want more than this world wants to offer you, then I suggest you try Christianity. It's worked for many that have gone before you. I'm not just a salesman, I'm a Christian too.

Things are pretty slow around the house, I think when you don't have anything you can really do, you start to get even more tired than you were before when you had lots of things to do. So in honor of my inability to get motivated to read for school or do my work for church here's a list of things I've realized this week.

1. No matter how much you feed my dog he always wants more. No, seriously!

2. My dad and the dog have a telepathic connection. The dog only appears to come back in (after I've let him out) when I'm sitting down to do something and my dad walks by the door. In this way, I look like I'm being negligent to the dog and he gets more treats from my dad!

3. If there is a puddle of mud or dirty water, my dog will find it. He's like a magnet.

4. The dishes get dirty all at once, I don't know how, but somehow they do. For instance I left to go to a dentist appointment today and when I returned, there was an entire sink of dishes, mind you there is only my dad at home and he only ate a bowl of soup. Or so the story goes....

5. Most people make too many generalizations. It sounds good when they say it, but later you realize they were making too broad of a statement. (do you see the humor in this?)

6. Green bananas go directly from green to brown, with no yellow days. I've been watching this new batch and it's not any different.

7. I've never been to the dentist when they said, "Man! Your teeth are so clean! Just leave! No need to be here!" It doesn't matter how long or often I brush them!

8. Family always calls you when you're asleep. It doesn't matter if it's 2:30 in the afternoon, somehow you'll be asleep!

9. Recommendations always come from people who hardly know you. They never ask for recommendations from people who actually know you, because they might be bias!

10. People are never happy with what they have. If they were, they wouldn't be people.