beth and matt painting.

Wooden Jesus

So my girlfriend tells me that my blog is really boring and I never say anything good. Here’s something you’ll really like. I moved this big wooden Jesus across campus. He was really heavy. I wonder what God thinks about us carving wooden images of him? Does it bother him that most everyone on campus refers to it as ‘Jesus’ and people give him high fives, smack him on the butt and say stuff like, “Good game, Jesus” because honestly, to me, I would be ready to throw down the fireballs. Sure it’s a statue, but I’m still not sure why we need one and why everyone feels free to make fun of it, absolutely it’s not really God, but to act out scenes where God, who doesn’t react, is the joke… Somewhere I either missed the boat (it wouldn’t hurt that I’m an Engineer) or it just isn’t funny.

Calvin

One of my buddies at school is studying Calvin. It's interesting stuff, here's an email he just sent me. Note: I'm trying to seperate Calvin from the Calvinism that came after him, if there is a difference.


Thought you might find this interesting. I was reading in the institutes were it spoke of God's attributes pre-existing before creation. So parts of the Institute seem to point for election coming out of God's foreknowledge. BUT I found where Calvin says the exact oposite out of his commentary on Malachi.
"As we have said, there is no real difference among men, except in their hidden election. Some theologians would make foreknowledge the mother of election, and that very foolishly and childishly. They say that some men are chosen and others rejected by God, because God, from whom nothing is hidden, foresees of what sort each man will be. But I ask, Whence comes virtue to one and vice to the other? If they say, " From free will," surely creation was before free will. This is one point. Besides, we know that all men were created alike in the person of Adam. . . . And what does this mean except that the condition of all who come from the one root is the same?"
Anyhow obviously this seems to be counter to what I said last night. I don't know man. Calvin is confusing. He says one thing then goes right around and says the exact opposite. Then again he did change alot. Each edition of the institutes is vastly different from the previous. Heck he was branded twice with 2 version of the institutes got him the label as an Arian. Go figure. But hey he does take the subordination view of the trinity. I am going to keep working this thing out. But honestly man Calvin is so flip floppy it is so hard to tell where he stands. Especially since his theologies changes in almost everything he writes.
What seems to be the jist so far is that in Calvin, God may or may not have known whom he would elect but apparently he foreknew that he would preordain individuals at creation (the issue here is then is it at the moment of their birth or is it at the moment of actual creation).
Here are some quotes from Calvin that are interesting:
"We say, then, that Scripture clearly proves this much, that God by his eternal and immutable counsel determined once for all those whom it was his pleasure one day to admit to salvation, and those whom, on the other hand, it was his pleasure to doom to destruction. We maintain that this counsel, as regards the elect, is founded on his free mercy, without any respect to human worth, while those whom he dooms to destruction are excluded from access to life by a just and blameless, but at the same time incomprehensible judgment." (Institutes of Christian Religion, Book 3, Chapter 21, Section 7)
"distinguishes among men according as he foresees what the merits of each will be"(Inst. III, 22, 1)
"by thus covering election with a veil of foreknowledge, they not only obscure it but feign that it has its origin elsewhere"(Inst. III, 22, 1).

Membership

Woo hoo! Membership!

Back in November, I started the process to become a member of my church after visiting the other seminary I highly respect, Beeson Divinity School. They convicted me that if I was so excited about my church, I should stop hesitating and start the process to become a member. So I did. Early in January I was invited to my pastor's house. I turned in my application, and then later was interviewed. This past Sunday they officially welcomed me into the church as a member! I'm amped.

Women in Ministry: A Quest

Well, after almost a full six months, I'm back at it again. I'm going to study the Egalitarian and Complementarian views. Gross. Obviously I have an opinion, we all do, but I'm going to look at the differing sides again. It's a hard thing to be objective about, but I do want to listen carefully and understand both sides. It seems to merit a lot of my time, but that's ok, we are talking about one of the most heated debates among Christians today. Besides, if I'm wrong, I'm hurting a lot of my sisters and quenching the Spirit of God, simultaneously!

Thankfully, I have a much better grip on the Greek now, and have encountered enough non-objective professors, in person! I desire to listen well to what God is saying to me, I hope I do it well. I ask for your prayers.

a collector

I am a collector. I’ve been one since I was little. I’ve collected everything under the sun from baseball cards to old shoes, from awards to old batteries. As I get older, I am realizing the things I collected don’t satisfy. These ‘things’ that I have held onto are mere objects, zapped of their magic I’ve tried to capture. Some symbolize my childhood. They make me think of times gone past… so bittersweet.

I must confess, I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately, mostly, because I’m being reminded of it through some events God has orchestrated. It’s awe inspiring to think of dying, to realize I’m going to die. To, for a moment grasp the significance of life. It causes me to realize the value of ‘things’, objects, to contemplate their worthless. It makes me realize how useless most knowledge is. Even relationships come into full view.

I am realizing that I am a relationship collector. All this time, I thought I was finally free of my addiction to collecting. Don’t misunderstand me. I love relationships. People are so interesting when you start to know them. To catch a glimpse of what the Creator made, is awe inspiring.

I think the problem with collecting, besides the mismanagement of resources, is that the collector collects with the intention of enjoying, but finds themselves rather addicted to hording instead of the enjoying. There is greed that seeps in and it drains the enjoying out, replacing it with a sludge that we drink deeply, without remorse. And then, when it sits in our bellies we ache, and ache.

I’m tried of collecting. I wish I could tell you that I won’t be collecting anymore, that I will be enjoying what I have instead. I am asking God to help me remember my priorities. If I enjoy God, that will be enough. My desire will be drown in a river of fresh water, water that will not be like the sludge I drink so daily. If I enjoy God, I will enjoy people. I will enjoy relationships. I will enjoy love. I will enjoy peace. I will enjoy patience. I will enjoy joy! I will enjoy kindness! I will enjoy faithfulness! I will enjoy gentleness! I will enjoy self-control.

Oh God, help me to live in you, to enjoy what my soul has always desired.

retirement

I retired my secret blog, bringing over two posts I enjoyed and leaving the rest lost in cyberspace. I'm going to change up the content a bit, it will probably slide over to more church related issues in general and continue stupid stories I remember about life on occasion.

salt?

Are we as American Christians being the salt we’re called to be? It’s a hard question to answer, I know. Every time I return to the suburbs where my family lives I find myself facing the reality of middle-class Christianity. Should every family be on ‘the mission field’ and what defines what a ‘mission field’ is? What level of income is necessary for us to live at? What do we ‘need’ and what constitutes wants? Is this is different from person to person, based on what God requires of us or should we all be living less comfortably than we live? Do I need a new computer? Do I need a nice guitar, a tv, video games, a large house? What is a large house? Do I need the latest fashions? Should I support missionaries whose work is here in America, or should I use the money to feed people in other countries, or should I support missionaries overseas? Should I support American missionaries overseas or should I support natives who need support? Does God want me to give to Para church organizations or to work through my church despite its deficiencies in hopes that if everyone gave to their church, the church would reform how it uses its money? Should I consider car-pooling when I travel? What about buying products at Wal-Mart that have been made by child-labor even if it means that I have less money to give to Christian organizations? Can we take vacations? What is a sufficient amount for churches to spend on their building, decoration, staff, location, advertising? Should we buy Christian music or should we share it freely? Should Christians make profit on books? Should more Christians go overseas and help in needy areas?

MKs

I talked with a MK (missionary's kid) and learned about his life at a missionary boarding school. He told me about his friends and how they turned out. It wasn't uplifting. They weren't really able to spend time with their parents in large quantities. His friends all at best were nominal Christians who are utterly disenfranchised with Christiandom. In reality they show no fruits of Christianity by their lifestyles, now. He prays for them. He’s struggling too. I do fear that many who come to seminary are struggling. I don’t mean having battles where we make war on our sin. I mean flat out questioning everything about being a Christian. I know we are quick to point fingers. These MKs came from across the denominational lines, from Baptist to Methodist. I know even the church I attend requires boarding school for their MKs, and probably a similar fate.What kind of witness is it to the world when our kids are being destroyed, when we tell others about Christ love and love on them, but keep our loved ones at a distance? It’s time for a change. I don’t have all the solutions but why do we always feel that we have to send Christians into a hard country as “Lone Rangers” as it were. Why not send communities of say ten families to a country and start a local schooling program? Invite the native children of the area to come too. It seems that for too long we’ve become sterilized. We’ve separated ministry with outsiders from our ministry to our families. It is quite ridiculous. I’m guessing a reason they don’t allow children to stay with their parents is due to security risks. Are we really counting the cost? I would rather raise a family in a persecuted area as a family then send my children away as though they are not mine. Then again I’m not a parent. I can’t help but see the negative consequences as real nonetheless.

a hot summer day

I’ve avoided blogging for a while, much to the chagrin of some of my readers. When you don’t remember anything good to write about, it’s just best not to post. Today I remembered a good story however, so it’s time to share.

It was a hot summer day, back in the mid-80s and I was riding my bike up and down the street. Many kids are allowed to ride their bike in the street, however, I was not one of them. I was chastened to the sidewalk, on which I was allowed to ride, as long as I could see my house and was on the same side of the street. I agree, my parents didn’t let me do anything cool, but I was the first child and that usually means you have to experience the extreme boundaries of parents and carve the path for the next kids. Anyway, so there I was riding up and down the street.

Now my street happened to be situated on a small hill. I would pump up it and then coast on the way down. Just to give you an idea of how pathetic we’re talking, I would ride to the far edge of my neighbor’s driveway turn around and coast to two houses down.

It was a hot, extremely hot day and I was burning up. I luckily was wearing my Cincinnati Reds ball cap (go Reds!) which was providing some shade for my head but not a whole lot. I began to get this killer headache. I found that if I would close my eyes, it would somewhat go away. Then I had the idea of a lifetime, I decided to ride down the hill with my eyes closed. I had peddled up the hill with my eyes closed for Pete’s sake! Down the hill I went, picking up speed, more and more as I continued down the street. Then I heard a, “BAM!” which was shortly followed by a weightless feeling as I for an instant began to float off by bike. Was I flying? Was I somehow magically transported to another time and place?!?!?! And then, my face came to rest on its final destination, the neighbor’s car. Now, I knew at this point that I had made a miscalculation. I had forgotten that the neighbor parked their yellow compact car slightly out past the sidewalk.

You can’t really cry when you have made a complete fool out of yourself and no one seems to be around, even if you are seven. I mean, what if someone heard you cry and then came out to see what happened, only to find that you’ve smashed yourself into a parked car?!?!?! I did what any self-respecting seven year old would do, I fled the scene, bike and all and decided I was done riding for the day.

kentucky roadkill, it comes in many flavors, but everyone prefers skunk!

I can't seem to see enough skunks on the side of the road on the way to church. Granted, it is about the only time I leave Wilmore when the light of day is shinning. I gotta say, you would expect to see a possum, or a deer or something, but all that I ever see are skunks and lots of them. I'm not sure if skunks are the only thing wild animals won't eat, and I use the term 'wild animals' loosely, you could include some of the wilder Kentucky folk animals, or even my friend Andi, although I don't think she'd touch roadkill with a ten foot pole much less take it off the side of the road and eat it. One thing I am sure of though, unlike my old home of Dayton, we don't have any squirrels around here. Then again, when I lived in Dayton, I only knew one guy who would dare eat them. I'm thinking that a good friday night adventure would be to drive around and collect roadkill into my buddies pickup and dump a big pile of them somewhere, or maybe that's just gross.

“Bring it” got brought it

I signed up to play the assassin game one or two weeks ago, I can’t remember which, time doesn’t seem to move linearly anymore, it’s more like some morphic oozing wormhole thing. Anyway, I signed up but instead of just writing my name, Ben Douglass, I had to be me, you know a little arrogant, a little spicy, so I put, Ben “Bring it” Douglass down. So from that point forward people who signed up on the sheet in the student center would walk by and say things like, “What’s up ‘Bring it’ Ben Douglass?” I would laugh and we would do the dumb college thing and slap five or hit the rock or something. Well the game commenced on Monday night at 6pm. I survived the night handily and was surviving the morning without much trouble.

Then I went to chapel. The speaker was probably the most untrained and painful to hear speaker I’ve heard in a long time. First, he liked to say things like, “You know” and “Right” more times than he actually filled his talk with meaningful words that make up real sentences. Second, instead of following a logical progression, he just rambled about whatever seemed to be on his mind. Third, he didn’t help us tie his personal experiences or someone’s experiences in depth to a small passage. In fact, he didn’t meditate on a passage of Scripture (a pet-peeve of mine). I’m not talking about reading a chapter, I mean I enjoy it when they really explain a few verses. Wait, I’m way off topic…. So he did have good content, he just didn’t know how to present it, I wish he would have asked someone for help. The content was good in a bad way. He shared with us about how where he works people are being mutilated by their government, how people are being used and destroyed, how vilely sinful the world really is. When you live in a great country like we do, and really it is great compared to the atrocities that are happening across this world, you tend to forget how bad life is elsewhere and how little Christians here are doing anything about it. So I’m walking out of chapel very sober. I forget about the dumb game. Inside I’m just mulling over the pain and the suffering and talking it over with my friend. I’m within five feet of the door I need to get in before I am safe in the game. I’m standing there waiting for the crowds to enter into the next building and then it happens.

Mark, my assassin comes out of the building, I’m not really paying attention to him, and shoots me. Instantly I’m transported back to Lexington, KY. Yeah, I’m playing some dumb game with a whole bunch of people in a peaceful area. It made me frustrated on many levels. I don’t know what I’m suppose to do to help as a guy who feels called to be here, now. My professor said something interesting in the class following lunch, he said, “The ministry of Jesus Christ is directed primarily to the Father, not to the needs of the world.” Very profound. I know God is concerned about his creation, his people, his loved ones. However, our ministry is to be directed primarily to the Father. He’ll point us where we need to go.

I totally missed the point I was going for. Here it is: I got shot. The real first day of the game. Like a sucka, I was taken out. I think it was because I wrote Ben “Bring it” Douglass instead of Ben Douglass. God wins again! One of these days, I'm not going to talk trash. I'll probably be dead... but it'll happen. I said "Bring it", Oh how He brought it.

Assassin

I don’t know if ya’ll have heard of this one, but someone here at seminary obviously had. What you do is grab a whole bunch of your friends, and maybe even a few you don’t know too well, and write down everyone’s name. You make these into cards, and then shuffle them up. Everyone has a mini-squirt gun and will be given a hit list. Over the course of a few days you are to “assassinate” the people on your list. When you make your hit (squirt them with the water gun) then you get their assassination list. Whoever has the most at the end of the set time period, or gets them all, wins.

Our game will start next week. I’ll keep you posted…. It was worth a mid-week update.

a coffee shop experience

Yesterday I went to a concert at the coffee shop on campus (Solomon’s Porch - ATS). When I say I went to the concert, it was more like my buddies and I went to get some coffee and read, when a concert broke out. I don’t know what it is about coffee shops but many times when there’s a white guy with a guitar there solo you can bet he’ll be singing out of key, and this guy was no exception. I think maybe the microphone projects your guitar/voice so loud that somehow they’re just not able to hear themselves. He sang some interesting songs, such as ones by Guns’n’Roses, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Billy Joel, Jimmy Buffet, and a Christmas song about shooting his puppy with rabies in the head. I tried not to listen to all of his terrible (out of key) songs, but sometimes when you know them, you can’t help but pay attention half-heartedly. The song about his puppy with rabies was especially gripping. No matter how much I told myself to read Os Guinness, I found myself listening to the sad song about how he blew his puppies brains out on Christmas. It was pretty much the worst (however, unfortunately funny) song I’ve ever heard someone sing. It was quite obvious that he was a college student. Sorry college students, but you’re immature, and that’s coming from one of the most immature (at times) seminary student east of the Mississippi. Thankfully it will be his last appearance in Wilmore, although he said while at the microphone that he’s done 9 shows, in Michigan, Indiana and here in Kentucky. He does deserve some props for being courageous enough to play 9 shows! The crowd disappeared somewhere soon after the puppy song. I wish I could have taped it. It was the funniest, worst song I’ve heard, bar-none.

takin’ communion

Last Tuesday down here at school they took communion at the chapel. I’ve taken communion many times, so this should be a short story. They broke the bread and talked about the meaning of each of the items. Then they said and I quote, “When you’re ready to receive the communion come forward.” I had spent some time praying before chapel, and I knew I was ready to receive it, so I hopped out of the pew and headed down. Not until I was standing in line did I realize that they were dismissing people by rows. I was sitting in the last row to be dismissed, so when I came forward I had to face everyone who was still waiting to be dismissed to take it. I felt like a genius. This is what happens when you stick a non-Methodist in a Methodist communion service, I mess it all up!

appointment

I had a divine appointment today. The kind you remember far into the future. When working at Orientation, they passed out cards and we were given people to pray for. I prayed for my dude, and then felt compelled to continue praying for him. The next day he arrived and I heard him say his name to a person at the table next to me. I was busy at the time, but I recognized it instantly and then when I was free, I introduced myself. I ran into him multiple times from then till today. Tonight while at the Superbowl party, I felt restless, so I left it and went back to the dorms. Yeah, I know, I took a lot of crap for leaving. When I arrived back at the dorms, I felt like I was to go find him and invite him to the party. I went up to his floor, and found his room without any trouble. I didn’t knock on his door or anything, I just waited. I know it is weird, but I knew he would come out. Sure enough, he came out of his room and I invited him to come to the party. He agreed to come without persuasion. As we were walking over to the party I find out his background a bit. He’s a Baptist, a rarity on a Wesleyan campus. He felt guided by the Holy Spirit to come to ATS. We talked a bit more; it was good to hear where he was coming from. After we arrived, he met up with some guys and I knew I could take off, so I did.

I know it’s a pretty weird story. I guess why I share it is because it was one of those times when you just know what you’re suppose to do. I can’t really explain it any other way. I love ‘em and had to share this latest one. If you’re not convinced, I don’t blame you. You had to be me in the moment to understand probably.

republicans

if the republicans here keep ranting, i may end up a democrat. people here don't get up until 10:30! sick. going to study greek tonight. the fish are doing ok, one died, it was little timmy. i think he choked on the water. hope ya'll are doing well.

leaving dayton

I write this entry on the night before I leave Dayton. Eerily I recall earlier a conversation from earlier today. A friend said to me, “We won’t miss you, but you might miss us.” I haven’t even started packing and yet I’m sad. They say that home is where your heart is. If that’s the case, I can understand why it saddens me so to leave. When you have to move your home, in a weird way you have to move your heart too. We thrive on change, we love new things. Yet, part of us loves the beauty of the way things are. It reminds me of being a kid. I wanted to be just like dad, I had a little plastic lawn mower that shot out bubbles. I would push it all around the yard trying desperately hard to be like him. Still, I enjoyed being a kid and playing in the sandbox for hours, painting with my fingers and playing with our puppy in the backyard. I’ve been saying goodbye to my friends here in Dayton over the course of the weekend. In some of the relationships here, I find that we’ve moved apart. Time has worn the commonalities that held us so close together into a fine thread that now seems stretched. In other relationships, the first pages of our adventures as friends are starting, as a good book that you’ve just finished the intro to. Still, in other relationships it is as though nothing changed at all. Amazingly in these relationships it is as though we’ve never aged.

So I sit at the dinning table and remember the past weeks, the anticipations, the fears, the joys, laughter, sorrows and silences. It is sad in general. I’m going to miss the people I work with, the people I play with, the roommate I fart with. The people I share life with. Then I think about the future at hand. Life doesn’t end at death. For some, their rejection of God will be bitterly more sorrowful than anything experienced on earth. For others, their acceptance of God will bring the abundance even more fully than experienced here. I am trying to cherish the relationships and opportunities I do have here. To savor the life that God has given us. He never asked us to numb ourselves, only to sacrifice that which would take our joy from us. The price has seemed too high for many. They walk away clinging to their rusting skates, buying into the lie, unwilling to trust the only one who can save them from themselves. I too want to cling to my rusty skates, but I know I can’t. I press forward, enjoying that which I was blessed to receive while here. I press forward, knowing full well that loving God must always stay my true wellspring of life. I press forward, finding more of God’s blessing lying ahead. Maybe even my old skates. Maybe even in better condition. Or maybe God will do something completely different. Whatever He should chose, my life is His to use.

Braces

well, i don't have much. honestly, i'm losing the blogging bug. i'm sorry. my latest inspiration is andi's braces....

What rocks my face off about braces:

1) Braces come with a special storage feature that allows you to eat food and store them there in your braces to “eat” later! Mmmmmm… leftovers….

2) Braces increase bad breath which aids in repelling robbers and weird stalkers.

3) 28 rubber bands. Do I need to say anymore?

4) Rap artists each have a few pieces of metal in their mouth. When you put on the braces you’re like your own rap group!

5) Chewing gum becomes an art.

6) If you threaten to bite someone, they are more likely to be intimidated.

7) It is rumored that you can pick up radio stations if you turn just right.

8) You get to carry around thousands of dollars and don’t have to worry about anyone stealing it!

9) Spiting food at friends is fun! Who doesn’t love spitting pizza all over your buddy? Braces let you get away with it.

10) Your mom and dad will love you more.

A Happy New Year

It was New Year Eve of 1994. My family and I had returned from our trip to Grandma & Grandpa’s in Medina, Ohio. Grandma had insisted that we returned home with some of her soon to be world famous cookies. We told her that she didn’t have to send an entire tin of cookies home with us, but secretly we hoped she wouldn’t take us up on it. Back home in Cincinnati, we all were in the habit of eating some of Grandma’s cookies “unannounced”, also known as sneaking cookies. See, we are greedy little Gollum-like beings when it comes to her cookies. Yes, my precious. We won’t share you with the little hobbits. All mine. HmmHmm!

Anyway, we were in business of sneaking them to make sure we ate more than our fair share of the cookies. I was being a master of disguise, I mean even Mirage from G.I. Joe wouldn’t know I was hitting the cookies. I was good. Now New Year’s Eve was near the time of our return from Grandma’s so the tin started almost full. I would sneak two or three at a time, making frequent stops into the kitchen. By around 8pm or so, I was hitting the bottom of the tin. I finished them off with great precision, once again proving to all people that not only could I be a master of disguise and greedier than the little hobbits, but I could also pack’em away.

I started getting hot. I mean really hot. Maybe it was the sugar rush. Maybe it was the sour cream in one of the varieties of cookie balls. Maybe it was the guilt when I got caught eating the last cookie. Maybe I simply ate too much. Whatever it was, I was not feeling very well. I remember sitting on the couch and feeling oh so sick. Then it hit me. I got up and made a B-line for the bathroom. I was moving at a pretty good clip, I was only one turn away from facing the toilet and then it happened. A cookie extravaganza! I mean all your favorite colors and favors made a second appearance. We had reds, greens and browns as well as raspberry, sugar sprinkles, peppermint and chocolate! Wow! If only I had the tin nearby. I did one better though, I missed the toilet and painted wall with a blend of spices that would make anyone’s stomach turn. As the little hobbits, my siblings will tell you, indeed it took the paint off the wall.

Every Christmas I have to hear about this story. It’s like one of my family’s great traditions.

A smooth move

I went swing dancing last night (don't ever call it swinging, I was warned at work today that was something different). I realized my feet don't know what swing dancing is. They were completely confused. I think my right foot kept thinking we were going to do some kind of ballroom dancing, ok it was more like concreted to the floor and my hands kept thinking we were going to either do the robot or do some funky rapper moves. I wore my red shoes, the ladies seemed to like them. They told me so. I met some cool people, ok so they were girls, all except Josh and some dude who wanted to talk about nothing and was able to waste a good 15 minutes I was going to use dancing with the girls... The ladies were very gracious and put up with my terrible ability to swing dance. I do mean terrible. But, I have been practicing. That's where the smooth move comes in. See I was practicing my moves at work in the hallway. I had just done some ‘push the girl’ move and then pulled the door open (imagining that I was actually pulling the girl's hand back towards me). Well, on the other side of the door there was this guy reading a magazine in a chair. I could tell I startled him and I think he thought for a split second he saw me dancing. That is until I pulled a smooth move. I did some kind of John Travolta walk immediately and walked away quickly. So instead of looking like a complete idiot, I looked like a moron trying to walk goofy. But, now you know I was being an idiot and that’s probably better somehow.

Today I also gave my presentation that I've been working on for months now... I was all set to head out to work, the car was all loaded up when I realized I didn't have my badges. I checked my coat (that I was wearing), my car, my room, the kitchen, the living room, the dinning room, and then I got desperate so I checked the garbage, the bathroom, the refrigerator (who knows where I could have put them down), Matt’s pickup, my room again, the kitchen again, the living room again my coat four more times, the spare bedroom, I called work and asked Adam and then Eric if they had seen them (of course not) and then I realized I was in big trouble. Yeah, big trouble. God came through, I moved Matt’s coat on one of the chairs to reveal anther coat that looked just like mine… Huh, wait… It was mine! I was wearing Matt’s coat! That’s why the badges weren’t in the pocket where I left them. I hopped in my car and went to work. I also had to add a slide to my presentation when I got there. I finished adding the slide and then the client walked in for the presentation to start. Now that’s what I call God providing. And yes, I was flipping out in a calm way.

Oh, here is a picture of my shoes, by request for all the ladies out there. Peace.


dead sexy.

Nashville

Howdy ya'll from Nashville, TN. Brown got this pimped out business trip and took Nye and myself down. We're staying in a sweet hotel that has a seperate room with couches, a desk and tv and then of course the bedroom with two twins and the couch folds out to a bed.

Brown had to work today so he gave us the car. I was backing the Blazer in the parking garage when I heard this crunch. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw the back end in a concrete pillar. I parked it and saw a big dent in the bumper. I was buggin out. You know it's not everyday that you beat your buddy's car up.

We (Nick and I) had planned on washing his car and cleaning it up to serve Brown. Then after I knocked his bumper out of wack, all the good we had planned to do for Brown now looked like we were laying it on thick. Brown's car was gross. He had everything from rotting crap on a butterknife to pink scrunchies thrown all over his car. And just for the record, McDonald's french fries don't rot. After we vaccummed it and washed it, we went to the mall. This is going to sound lame, but we got a great deal on some pimped out shoes at the mall and we picked up Brown a pair too, so we all had pimped out shoes.... Yeah, now it really sounds like I was trying to lay it on thick. But I wasn't.... Honest.

We picked up Brown from work when he was done. He shrugged it off when I told him. Obviously, I thought it was odd. Real odd, but I was thankful and was glad to let it go. REAL GLAD. He let me simmer for a while then told me that the dent was already in the bumper. The freakin' dent was already there! Already there! Unbelievable! Now it looks like I was trying to suck up. There's no way to make this look good. Props to Brown, you're a punk.

It's cold outside...

It’s so cold outside penguins are asking if they can stay in the garage. It’s so cold outside Canadian geese have gone south. It’s so cold outside ice cubes are wear sweaters. I mean it is cold.

I have to thank my Bengals for their athleticism this past weekend. Normally they look like they have a chance of winning so I watch at least part of the game. This past weekend however, they lost straight out of the box, proving that we’re the second worst team in the NFL, only outdone by the Browns, and they’re going to have a new coach next year.

I’m sure all the guys out there are still looking to complete their shopping for the holidays. Women tell me it’s because we procrastinate so much. I have a different theory. Men hate shopping. We hate it so much we’ll do just about anything to not do it. By anything, I mean we’ll do anything that’s more entertaining, such as watching tv, playing video games (another form of watching tv), working on our computers (another form of watching something tv like), watching movies (watching tv), and sleeping (yet another form of watching tv). Don’t get me wrong, I think everyone should do things besides watching tv, but in general that’s what most middle class Americans seem to do with their free time. Even I myself on break find that I’m drawn to the picture box. I think it’s a scary thing when people spend so much time looking at a box. What will we think when we’re about to die? Will we be glad that we watched so much? Will we feel that we had no choice in the matter? I understand, sometimes I feel trapped and doomed to watch it somehow. I think in part I’ve become Pavlov’s dog. I think of relaxing and almost immediately watching tv comes to mind. It’s weird but too true for me. Woah, that’s a rant…. anyway, Guys, remember Walgreens is just down the street and if you hurry now it’s probably not busy, but don’t wait until Friday, because then even Kmart will be packed. And remember, we’re forgetting the real meaning of Christmas.

Opera Spirituals?

It's Christmas time again. We all know what that means, lights, Santa and Christmas music. There's good Christmas music and there's bad Christmas music. I happened to come across the later although done well in what they were attempting to do, but it should have never been done. A skinny white guy with long hair and a clump of scraggly hair glued to his chin sang opera. That by itself is odd enough, but to top it off he was singing spirituals like, “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” but more about how life is hard and the Savior is born. The whole time I wondered why. Were they going for lyrical genius or were they trying to contemporize the song or to bring it to their standard or what? In the end, I decided I’d just fall asleep in the hard pews and wait this one out and hope the next Christmas song would be Handel's Messiah.

In other news, I’m heading to Dayton for the next six weeks to try and scrape a few pennies together to pay for the next session of school. God is faithful.

And lastly in a protest to the school’s horrible furniture in our specific wing of the dorms (and in the other wings for that matter), we switched our dumpy 1970s junk out with the good furniture (complete with lower back support) they’re trying to show off at the entrance to our building. They’ve asked us to move it back around twice, so we did, partly (I'm going to be difficult at least for a while). Sometimes schools don’t make sense. Why put the best furniture where people don’t sit and the bad stuff where you do? I guess it’s good they’ve got an engineer in the wings now (gotta love us punky first year students).

Tres Osas Menor

Time for an experiment in procrastination. Here's what we're going to do, we're going to make a story that spans multiple blogs. I'm going to start a story and pass it off to Andi-mal (without her approval) and see where it goes...

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away there were three little bears: Arlo, Blade, Mace and the General. Ok, so it was really four little bears, but we're going to call it three little bears because four little bears just isn't catchy. The three little bears were a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These bears promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Bearas underground. Still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If a someone has a problem, if no one else can help, and if they can find them, maybe they can hire the B-Team.

Arlo was standing in line at Circle-K buying Jiffy Pop, when the General got the call over the walkie talkie. A young woman was crying. The problem seemed to be epic in proportion, beyond the reaches of the law, it would take the these soliders of fortune to bring resolution. They set up a meeting, 10:30 pm on Tuesday at the Sonic Burger to discuss the details. At 10:35pm they circled Sonic for the last time, checking for goverment agents. They pulled in and met they their woman, Leslie was her name. She thanked them and began..... (click here to continue)

Glorious onion rings.

The onion rings did me in I think. The glorious onion rings brought the war to its demise. Don’t ever think that being kind to your enemies doesn’t have an effect. I avoided José (the cafeteria chef) like the plague in recent days, getting my plates of food, in all their glorious trips, from the other food line. Tuesday I was working on a big paper for my NT class, and the clock on the computer was off by an hour, unknown to me at the time. So I went to the café for lunch and it was all gone. I was too late. Everything had been shut down. I stood there in complete shock. José came up to me and told me he would go get me food from the back. He returned with two brats on a plate covered with onion rings. I ate my rings knowing that it was sad. Our feud was over. It’s weird, I’m not even as hungry as normal, I’m down to two plates of food and a hearty desert. For now. Much like Tom & Jerry can’t stop fighting, I’m sure my appetite will come back and war will begin again. (grins) I will eat all the food! Get in my belly!

arch nemesis

Every superhero has an arch nemesis in their universe. Since my super power is eating more than any human should possibly be able to and still staying skinny, old school style, my nemesis is our cafeteria chef, Jose. Jose like all good chefs worth their weight is a larger man who knows he can cook. He also regulates the consumption of food in our fine dinning facility.

At an ‘all you can eat’ buffet such as Golden Corral, you pay a hefty price to eat until your stomach explodes. At our cafeteria it is a more reasonable four bucks. They are banking on people not eating more than one plate to make a profit. This is where I come in. I eat on average somewhere over two plates of food per meal. When Jose sees me he gives me the worst food he can muster up to present. For instance the most burnt burger in the pan or the burnt tops of the meatloaf that’s floating around. He gives me smaller portions than others on average, which is fine; it helps me get to that third and possibly fourth plate. It’s actually a pleasure to be known in this way. I know he cringes when I go up. Don’t worry Jose. I’ll be back. Monday.

presupposition

Presupposition is the word of the semester. Every class I sit in, every discussion I have with others seems to find itself wrestling with the presuppositions the author or we have towards something. We use it to critique everything from Bultmann to the Pauline epistles. From these presuppositions a new understanding of someone’s stance emerges. For example Bultmann was fighting to make Christianity relevant to his world (deeply set in liberal ideologies) but made some bad presuppositions which kept him from understanding the Bible wholly. (Sidenote: Did anyone else notice that this election was reported to be won by the “evangelicals” in the media? Take note of them singling out “evangelicals” from Christians.)

Let me continue to explain a presupposition that rocks my face off (that’s for you Matt). It was pointed out to me by Dr. Gordon Fee (who wants you to call him Gordon) of Regent College when he was here last week. Paul, John and the author of Hebrews all presuppose that Jesus was present at the creation of the world as God. None of them felt the need to argue that he was present before the incarnational birth! This is amazing to me as the modern 21st century Christian skeptic. Think about all the things that are meticulously explained throughout the NT and then understanding this presupposition in that light gives us a radical slant. It was obvious to them (authors) to such an extent they didn’t feel the need to explain it. They just presupposed it.

I’m about to presuppose me some dinner, you know what I’m sayin’?

the Great Divorce

wow. great book. just finished. highest recommendation.

Buttermilk

I ran out of milk yesterday. I walked down to the store (yes, you actually walk to the store here) and much to my dismay there was only two options left, 1% buttermilk and Vitamin D milk. Now the Vitamin D milk expires Nov 2nd and the buttermilk says it can hold out to Nov 11th. I decided I would figure out how buttery buttermilk was. I looked at the fat content, trans fats and the saturated fat to figure out if buttermilk was crazy high and would cause me to fall over dead after a bowl of cereal. Tangent: San Francisco is the only city you would find a campaign insane enough to think that they can actually ban trans fats (good idea though if it was possible). So after looking it over, buttermilk was actually healthier in all fat categories over Vitamin D milk. I picked the buttermilk, I mean who wants milk that expires in like three days? Well, I walked back home and poured my new buttermilk all over my cereal. Something odd happened. The milk didn’t really soak into the cereal. Early in the morning you really don’t think too much about these kinds of things, so I took a bite. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever put orange juice on your cereal before, but I have. Let me tell you Lucky Charms and OJ weren’t designed to be combined like that. The same can be said for buttermilk and cereal. Yes, I probably should have known better, but I never tried buttermilk, I figured it couldn’t be that bad. It was. It was that bad. I tried to water down the buttermilk so I could handle it. Buttermilk and water separate like water and oil, I don’t know, but I suspect that buttermilk has properties that make it more like oil than water. I guess that’s why it’s called buttermilk and why it was still on the shelf when all the EDIBLE milk had been picked clean. Yes, buttermilk and Elmer's glue are close relatives.

No words to describe

Just read this:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2004/143/21.0.html

the body

I have been reflecting on what I think God has been teaching me in the long term here. Besides the fact that I need to read more OT (it rocks my face off), I have been realizing the body (Christian community) more. I think it's pretty common in America to feel as though we really don't have very much responsibility if we're not a missionary, and indeed we do need more missionaries. I think the problem has stemmed in my mind from the hero mentality we have. Someone is always supposed to save the day. One person steps out alone to face the world. I think I’m realizing the need for a community of heroes.

I most certainly have come across people who I’ve been floored by. They usually have an incredible portion of brains, or they can sing well or everyone seems to be strangely drawn to their personality. These people I see being used in ministry in great ways and I wish for them to step up. On some secret level I think I’ve simply neglected the others from ministry, the ones who don’t have talent seeping out of their very being. I will call them…. normal.

By our very nature I think we elevate some as heroes and ignore the normals and sub-normals. I have been struck by what I believe is God’s deliberate method of not letting us do this very thing. A simple example, I don’t believe God will as readily answer our prayers, until we ask and get the body to pray and help each other. Our individualistic, selfish souls refuse to work together. I have come to the point where I want to pray for tons of people, to do whatever I can for them in love and realize my dependence on the community (God’s provision) for me. When this happens, I see him then act to answer prayers. Not that he won't other times or ways.

Just something that’s striking me.

Wendy's Remodeled

I went to Wendy's again today. It's been a while since I last was there, I think you all remember the ketchup that I ate off the lid. Anyway, I was surprised to see they've replaced their trash cans. They now resemble the Panera Bread cans with a hole above to drop your trash in and a tray holder above that to set your tray on. So, I don't think I'll have the same problem with them now... And yes, the playground still consists of a large orange cone and a few stumpy pieces of wood buried in the ground.

In other news, I'm officially looking at Beeson Divinity School for next year. Asbury is great, and I may stay, but part of me in really interested in diversity among faculty & students in the denominational realm as well as having incredibly small classes (12 students to 1 faculty ratio) and they only have 120 M. Div students! It reminds me of Regent in Canada. Sorry no funny posts yet… I’ll work on it.

Deep end of the Greek pool

Foreign Language may be the hardest thing you take in seminary. I'm the big doof who decided I really needed the comprehensive route. In less than 13 weeks I go from knowing a few Greek letters to being able to work my way through the New Testament pretty well. I can keep up now, but it requires me to cut back on my hours of work (earning income), hours of study in other classes and plays tricks with my mind. Then today a new piece of the puzzel came down the pipe, we have to learn two new chapters for next week's exam. Yeah, that's right, exam. I don't know how I'm going to make it through Greek and honestly right now I don't know if I can handle taking another semester of it come spring. I hardly have time to open books for my other classes if I want to be proficient enough at Greek to be able to keep up with the teacher. It reminds me of that scene in Goonies (a classic) when the guy is peddling a little girl's bike and some punk in a convertable grabs his hand and takes off. He was peddling so fast you thought his feet would catch on fire. Well, it's kind of like that. God is good though, on this I rest. I press forward knowing that somehow, and I do think it may take a miracle, I'll be able to keep up as we "start going faster" the second half of the semester by God's grace to me. Keep me in your prayers and Adam too, there's a reason they say "It's Greek to me!"

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Dawn! She turns the big 21 this weekend! You'll still always be three years my younger sister! Ha ha ha ha ha.

A painful call

I’m guessing by now you want the juicy details of what happened. Yeah, I did remove the last post. I decided I really didn’t think it salvageable no matter how hard I tried, much like the post before it. Yeah, I called the girl. It was completely awkward and neither she nor I was really excited about either the call I placed or her call back. No, nothing about long walks on the beach or anything straight out of Love Connection.

The phone conversations were painful to the end and when it was all said and done she invited me to come visit her church on the other side of Lexington, which I declined. She said she was coming to visit Clay (a guy in my dorm) yesterday, so I told to swing by and I’d say hey. I didn’t see her, I made an honest attempt but in the end I had to eat and go to class yesterday evening.

So we have never met before and I’m ok with it. Ok, actually I’m kind of glad we haven’t. I’m sure she’s a cool girl, but this is not the way to meet people you may want to date in the future. While I’m not opposed to hanging out with her in a group setting, you won’t see the Dumples on any hot dates anytime soon. I’ve made it clear to my friend’s wife that I won’t take numbers she may receive in the future. If she wants to bring a girl to hang out in a group that totally fine. Just let things happen natural. That's all I'm asking. Relationships don't come in test tubes.

Ale81

Ale 81, the soft drink of Kentucky has been growing on me steadily. Unforntuantly it seems I am continuing to get more tired as the school year progresses. I'm unsure if learning this intensily is making me tired or if I'm getting sick again or what, but I am becoming Rip-Van-Winkle.

In other news great deals of studying on the background of 1 Tim. has shown me that just about everyone has a different interpertation on what the culture of Ephesus should mean to us today. Thankfully, some seem like more of a stretch than others. I'm glad we have as much information as we do.

I'm working on, ok, I hope to shoot a video tour type thing soon so everyone back home can see what this place looks like.... Back to studying for me.

Here's an interesting article you may want to check out.

headstand

I did a headstand last night, holding onto a couch and a chair. I did however forget that I had my cell phone in my pocket... I was pretty impressed with how well I was able to balance myself upside down, and then my cell phone fell out of my pocket and hit the ground below... I lost my concentration and I rolled out of it. When my feet landed, I stepped right onto the screen of my cell phone, a genius of a move. The screen was flat busted....

I called BestBuy about it to get my phone replaced, and they told me because I stepped on the screen they wouldn't replace it. I wish the guy at the store would have told me that today when I was there instead of saying they would take care of it on the phone (which by the way was a call to India). I don't really want to drive back out to civilization tomorrow to get a new one... But God is good and stepping on your cell phones is bad. Remember that next time your thinking about doing a headstand off of your lounge furnature at 2 in the morning (it was a long Greek study session).

Church shopping

Anyone ever wonder why it's so hard to find a good church? Why is it that we search and search and search some more without results? I've been thinking a lot about it lately. I must say that I am thankful to be able to go to different churches right now and experience the various methods which people employ in the body of Christ.

I've noticed that at most, ok, all the churches I've been to, good worship will mean that I'll have a crummy sermon to follow it up with. In churches that are still acting like church worship was designed to be lived out in the 18th century, the messages are better. Why?

I can't help but believe that somewhere along the lines we've confused the definition of church (enter Dumples' history lesson). I'm guessing it was sometime around the 18th century. Ok, so I'm exaggerating, but not too much, I'm guessing the end of the 18th century. I say the 18th century, because it was at the end of the 1700's when Charles Wesley passed away and with him and his contemporaries went the concept of new music for the church. Enter "I just want to sing the classics" (not wrong, let's just think bigger).

When the music revolution was happening in America in the early 1900s, the mainline denominations didn't go with them, except for some smaller churches who realized the need for relevance to the people around them (judging from my weak knowledge of music history). Eventually in the 1990s non-denominational churches that were using contemporary music were really damaging a lot of the mainlines.

Most non-denominational churches that were/are using contemporary music were actually drawing people's attention who weren't Christians, as well (big shock, relevant music helps people connect? What? We shouldn't use an outdated KJV Bible?!?!). Yes, they use contemporary translations of the Bible too. You know, ones that you can understand, ones that are not translated into Middle English (Gee you mean people want to understand what's going on?). This is similar to the Great Awakining in the sense that they preached to the common people using common language. It is also similar to how the New Testament books were written in that they were written in the common man's language. I think they (non-denominational churches) saw the big need for all these people really seeking after God (that were pouring into their church by the buckets) to know how to become Christians and they changed their curriculum to help people get into a relationship with God. Complete with beginner sermons/preaching on Sundays, which you can find at most non-denominational churches today.

I think this is where all the problems really started to creep up. The thought pretty much went like this, “We’ll gear the Sunday sermon to seekers, and the old believers will be fed on Wednesday nights!” So contemporary churches were pumping out baby believers right and left (baby factories if you will) while the mainline churches were/are struggling with one person realzing the joy of being a Christian a year, but they seem to have an ok retention rate (70%?) of old crusty believers who rarely/never share their faith (which is sick, mind you. If you had the cure for cancer you would tell everyone).

And all is good and well (in the contemporary churches), until the babies grow up, or want to grow up. See, when you make Sundays for seekers/babies, the older Christians can’t very easily grow if you don’t provide meat for them. By meat, I mean present a challenging and edifying enviroment at church for older, more mature believers.

I think essentially we have created yet another division in the body (the holy universal church of Christ), but this one is highly more divisive than previous divisions. See, what we’ve done is made a split between the seekers/baby Christians and the old crusty Christians. The old crusty ones aren’t using their gifts in helping the babies and seekers grow (kind of like not having a mom and dad just a food dispensing machine), and the church for the seekers and babies isn’t conducive for oldies to be fed in (mom and dad don't want to eat Gerber anymore). Thus, the oldies are uncontent at many contemporary churches. Although they do seem to find churches where they can be fed, but these churches seem... boring. We all know the water has to flow in and out of a pond or it gets stagnant, as such so older Christians need to help babies and seekers. And babies/seekers of course go to “hip” churches where they are fed (yeah Gerber!) but will find stunted growth (boo!) and hopefully don’t fall away from the church later disillusioned (I pray they don't just give up, search around if this is you).

So what’s my solution? Make church relevant in worship to babies/seekers and pair them up with older believers who will be fed in the sermon. I don’t believe the pastors primary role is to bring people to Christ on Sunday, I believe the pastor’s job is to equip the body (everyone going to church) to bring people to Christ every day of the week (I mean we all work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week with people who become our friends, and don't you want your friends in on the best thing going?).

But that’s just me (or not). I just want to find a church around here where I can be fed, enjoy relevant worship, and possibly do ministry. Keep my church search in your prayers. Thanks.

Wireless

I have been without wireless internet in my dorm for probably about three weeks. I thought at first that it was such a burden. I didn't know if I would ever make it without internet... Granted I didn't have it when I stayed at my buddy's place for a couple weeks prior to coming to Kentucky... Now that I've been forced to not have it for so long, it helped me break some bad habits. Let's see if any of these ring a bell with you:

1.) Always checking my email. We're talking every half hour or something when I'm by my computer.

2.) Talking on AIM. It's pretty pointless in most cases, but it sure burns the time I don't have quickly.

3.) Surfing the internet for who-knows-what. I'll start looking for something like the correct spelling of Guatemala and end up on some Pastor's high cheese website that they obviously made back at the inception of the internet.

4.) Downloading software that I really don't need but think is cool for like 5 minutes and then uninstall.

5.) Downloading virus and spyware updates to get rid of the lastest crap that is on my computer because I downloaded software that really wasn't cool... Wasn't cool like I got spyware on my computer written by some 15 year-old pimple faced geek who couldn't get a girlfriend if he met her in a chatroom on AOL! (Snap! You burned!)

6.) Emailing everyone back who wrote me to see if I'm still doing ok in Kentucky.

7.) Writing blogs for the loyal viewers who come here every week.

8.) Watching the almost funny Strongbad Email of the week. Over and over. Imitating his voice while I write my little emails. Chucka-Chucka-Email!

Yep, so I realized I waste most of my time on the internet and I really only need to write back my buds. And yes, you can get colds in Kentucky while wearing shorts and a tee-shirt. I guess fall is already on its way....

Kentucky Driveways

I neglect the fact that I've already adapted to my new setting. I was visiting my buddy Adam at his house when I saw the neighbor pull in their driveway. Now, most of us understand/believe that the concrete driveway that leads to the garage is for parking your cars on. When I say I saw the neighbor pull into their driveway let me explain why this struck me as odd. They were driving down the road and proceeded to pull into their yard and park their car sideways in the grass. At no point did their car touch what we consider the driveway (made of concrete). Instead, it is common fact here that your grass/yard is in-fact one big driveway. Driveways (concrete) are avoided although everyone (including this neighbor) has one. Why do they park in the grass? One of three reasons occur to me:

1. Driveways are sacred and should be treated as holy. Thus, the emphasis of not wearing shoes down here and no driving on driveways.

2. Yards are great places to display your rusted out 1983 Dodge stationwagon. Everyone in the neighborhood will be impressed with your item of status.

3. Everyone is so constantly in a state of drunkenness, thus, finding the driveway is too hard and yards function as driveways. Those that aren't drunk don't want to be thought a 'Yankee' and under the peer pressure pull into the yard instead.

If you have any ideas why this might be let me know.

Need more pictures!

I have 10 minutes, so I’ll give you my bi-weekly update. My friend Adam and I met with Dr. Coppedge yesterday and are in the process of joining an intensive discipleship (similar to mentoring) program while at grad. school. I have been discouraged in finding a good church lately and really prayed about it yesterday. I ran into a guy who I have class with that night. We started just talking and he told me about his church randomly. It has discipleship, exegetical preaching, contemporary music and is non-denominational. All things I had been looking for in a church. I’m going to check it out this weekend, I’m amped to say the least, especially when it seems like an answer to prayer.

I haven’t gotten many pictures from you guys… I’m not saying I’m disappointed, but come on. I’m not going to sacrifice animals or anything, I’m just going to pray for the people in your family and be encouraged that there are Christians in the world outside of seminary…
Again, my address:

Ben Douglass
ATS-SPO#269
204 N. Lexington Ave
Wilmore, KY 40390-1199

I wish I had a funny story to report, but alas, I do not. I’ve been reading pretty much non-stop. It has been rather annoying to see how many seminary students preparing for occupations as pastors rarely study materials outside of what you will be tested on. It would be equivalent to only eating bread and drinking water when you’re preparing for the Olympics. Sure, you’ll be alive, but you’re going to get smoked by the guys who eat right. Aka: these slackers won’t be able to fulfill their calling effectively. To much is given, much is required, I don’t know why they don’t understand that.

A Wendy's in Kentucky

I went to a Wendy’s here in Lexington, ok, it’s actually a little out of Lexington but if I told you where you wouldn’t know. I was savoring my fries when I looked out the window and saw the “playground” that this Wendy’s furnished. It was composed of a large orange cone, some warn down rubber matting and a table like platform with rings hanging off one of the four corners. I can imagine the kids whooping it up; Billy running endless circles around the large orange cone and Sally stepping up onto and then off of the table occasionally grabbing the ring for fun. Don’t worry Mom, if they should fall, they will easily recover thanks to the warn down rubber matting underneath them. Our playgrounds in Ohio hardly holds a candle to these, we only have endless tunnels where kids pretend they are hampers, big long curly slides and ball pens where the kids jump around and throw balls at each other. Yep, I’ve never seen quite an orange cone like it. It was nearly as tall as Ohio’s state flower, you know, the orange barrel. When you come to visit we’ll stop by my new favorite playground.

On my way out I threw out my trash and headed to the car. When I started driving down the road I noticed that I had ketchup on the back of my right hand and right next to it was a Frosty spot I must have spilled on my finger. I licked the Frosty goodness from my finger and then figured it was easier to clean the ketchup off at the same time, so I licked it off. As I tasted the ketchup, something occurred to me, when I got up from the table I think my hands were pretty clean. See, the last thing I do before I leave the table is use the napkin to make sure my hands are thoroughly clean. My mind began to race, how on earth did I possibly get ketchup on the back of my hand? Then all at once I could see it clearly, I used the back of my hand to prop the garbage lid up to throw my garbage away. I reached for the glovebox and grabbed some spare napkins I always keep there. I tried to pat down my tongue but it was too late I had already ingested the completely gross ketchup. Yeah, so I ate someone’s old ketchup that had been sticking to the lid of the garbage can that they probably never or hardly ever clean. Boy did I feel like a genius the whole way back to Wilmore.

Seminary or MMI?

I didn’t really speak about the greatest pastime on seminary campus… I call it “Match Maker International: the Seminary Years” During the first day of orientation I started to observe it. High levels of both male and female hormone seemed to rage out of control. It really is a toss up who is more desperate the guys or the girls… I’m going to go with guys, but only because I’ve seen them get shot down more than the girls. I don’t think most guys understand that being highly forward with complete strangers isn’t the best of ideas. It only screams that you are completely desperate beyond all goodness and reason, which in most cases seems to the truth, so I guess it doesn’t really matter. I’m not saying a lot of people seem to have come here as an escape from reality/getting a real job or to have a second chance to pick up a wife/husband… Ok, yeah, that’s what I’m saying. Here’s a thought, maybe we should come here to get an education. Now, I am being too harsh, I know a guy who has a girlfriend back home and there are many married couples off campus. Unfortunately I live at ground zero for those who want to rush into relationships (a men’s dorm). I give it two weeks and a lot of the people running around will be hooked up.

The second greatest pastime here is watching TV. Yeah, can you say no life? Everyone seems to watch endless amounts of television. I mean I guess it is a way for people to hang out, but you all know how I feel towards the new American idol. Don’t get me wrong there are many great movies and a few shows that have redeeming value but honestly, every floor I walk onto, everyone is watching it, around the clock. I’m sure this will change once classes start…

I appreciate all the comments. It takes a long time before I actually have friends, and down here it’s Horstman or bust! I’m really glad he is down here, I may go crazy. I read all your blogs but usually am at a loss for words.

Here are my digits in case you want to call me, I just got my line today: 859.749.0067. Although I am reluctant to put it out there, I am lucky enough to only have friends read. I'm on the 250 day and 1000 night plan, yeah it's not much, but I need to study too. Talk to you soon.

Orientation

It is about time for an update. The dorms are ok, the first week was more annoying than it had to be, but it will work out soon. For instance, the hot water went out, the carpets were steamed and now everything inside is soggy (including my pillow and sheets) because of the high humidity. Like I said, petty things that should clear up. I keep debating if I should get a cell phone or hold out for VOIP (Voice Over IP) when they get the internet up in the dorms again.

As accomplishments go, I think I’ve made a pretty significant accomplishment this week. I’ve gotten people from Alabama and Kentucky to make fun of Kentucky with me. That and I managed to get my feet eaten up by chiggers. Being the highly educated individual I am, I went to the store to buy nail polish to kill the chiggers that had burrowed into my skin. What’s that? Chiggers don’t burrow? Oh, I guess it would have made sense to read the fact sheet before I bought nail polish and painted my feet. No, I wasn’t walking around barefoot in the woods, I was wearing flip-flops. For all those other city boys out there, don’t wear flip-flops into the woods. It is a bad idea…

I feel like such a city boy here. When I meet other people who know how to turn their computers on, I get real excited. To all my peeps in Dayton, keep it real.

Bet The Farm

Well, I bet the farm. What a gamble it would be too, leaving your family, friends and financial stability for what could be disastrous. It would be a gamble if I didn’t trust God. I step out in faith, trusting my Creator and his hand on my life.

I think back to all the major turning points in my life. I remember when I was five sitting in the den with my dad and asking Jesus Christ to help turn me from my sin, save me from my deserved punishment and to be the king of my life. What a joyful time it was celebrating with my mom and dad that day, and what an eternal impact it made on my soul.

I remember when my parents started the gut wrenching process of filling for divorce. How sad and angry I was at God and my parents. How helpless I felt. I wished so hard that God would make them stop fighting and make them work things out. I think it is when I became aware of God’s choice to let us walk towards Him or away from Him.

I remember riding bikes with my friends in high school, feeling so empty. Wondering where everything went wrong and hearing Pascal’s analogy roll through my head. He said, ‘We’re all designed with a God-shaped void in our hearts’. I realized that I had put people and possessions in God’s place (Lord of my life). I repented and asked God to help me never do it again.

I remember breaking down during worship when God convicted me of not giving Him every area of my life in February during my junior year at college. He was asking me to step up in leadership at a college ministry and I tried to run from it, but then I realized I had to trust Him with all areas of my life.

And now the next chapter begins. It is a bit scary, similar to when you are about to start a race and you here the words, “Runners to your marks. Set.” All the adrenaline in you rushes through your veins, your heart pumps hard, and you go from relaxed to intensely focused. The hush of the crowd, the whipping of the wind, and the anticipation so thick you could cut it with a knife lets you know, this is for real, the race is about to begin.

I didn’t come here to take a vacation. I didn’t come here to run from my problems. I came because I want to win the race God has set before me. This is where I start another phase of the training. We all have races, each person God has created uniquely in His image. He has poured over each of us preparing us with a special purpose in mind. Each of us has a special place in his heart. To run the race he has set before you is such a sweet flavor to experience. I wish everyone would come and join the race.

So now I prepare for the next phase of my race, which I believe will be in the city. Loving on people; sharing the good news that Jesus has made the way for us to have a personal relationship with the Father; equipping the saints for their races. Helping them see the race that is before them.

Bet the farm. God always comes through.

Sept. 2nd

Things are really busy... I'm packing, helping people move things, saying goodbye to my friends and closing up everything I can here. So... check back at the beginning of September, I should be able to start posting regularly...

Sunburn and Armrests

Hey loyal readers. I know it has been a while, but a Dumples has gotta pack and get ready for school. I have very few hours of weekend left here; weddings are going to suck the life out of most of my weekends until I leave. Not a bad thing, I'm happy to see my friends tie the knot, but it does take time...

This past weekend we went canoeing. Being the pasty white engineer that I am, I thought putting sunscreen on my neck would be all that it took to keep me from burning. In hindsight I see that yes, indeed pasty white guys do burn. I managed to burn the inside of my thighs. Yeah, I look like I inherited white pasty calves which are strangely attached to red (and greatly painful) thighs. On the bright side of things, my Cadillac of a canoe tipped 8 times and I managed to get my co-rower to bail and go solo and to pick up the most annoying canoe partner there could be in his place. Instead of paddling or getting other canoes wet, he felt the need to tip our canoe (why we flipped so much) and splash me instead. You know those guys, the ones that find everything they do to everyone else absolutely hilarious. All the while, my white pasty legs slowing overcooking like an old hotdog sitting at a gas station. I try not to whine about how much they hurt, but it's been a few days now and sleeping is less than pleasant still. If you know an engineer buy them sunscreen, I promise they need it.

So let me share with you the most exciting thing of my day, I got my passenger side armrest for my CR-V! I've been waiting a week and a half for it to ship from sunny California out to our home sweet home, Ohio. I didn't change when I got home from work except to take off my tie and dress shirt. Then I raced to put my new armrest in the car. Like putting together a Level 3 model for the first time, I carefully read the directions twice and made the permanent cuts on my seat. I put the new one on and sat back in shear amazement. Amazed that I actually did it right the first time and amazed that I'm actually really excited about the new armrest... and the remote control! Ok, so I've been holding out on you, I got some remotes to my car too. I figured since I am going to seminary, it would be nice to have both sides of the car open up when people approach it. Ok, I mean I would like to be able to take a girl out with a little class. Nothing says high class like an armrest.

this holiday life

one of the new emerging bands, that I hope makes it big, this holiday life. Rock it out guys.

a moment of stupid

I knocked over my paper shredder a week or so ago and the confetti went all over the floor. This morning I decided I would clean it up. I grabbed the vacuum and started cleaning my floor.

When I got to the pile of shredded papers I paused. Two thoughts rushed through my mind:

1). It is a large pile of paper, you probably shouldn’t try to vacuum it up. It could break the vacuum.

2). Don’t be a girl, vacuum it up. Men don’t pick up what they can get up with a shop vac!

I chose option two, and started vacuuming the pile up. The vacuum worked for a while and then started making a high pitched whine. I emptied the bag and started again. About then I thought to myself, “Hmmm… The vacuum doesn’t have much pull… Oh well” I kept vacuuming. The whine of the vacuum and the lack of its effectiveness finally got me to stop. I examined the vacuum and found that I had blocked the hoses up with paper. Lots of blockage…

Yeah… a moment of stupid. I tried to shake the paper out of the hoses, to no avail. So I detached the hose from the vacuum (thankfully vacuums have come a long way in 10 years) and filled the hose with water. Instead of blowing the paper out of the other end of the tube, it turned the paper into a massive pile of impassible sludge. Boo-yaaa! What was my reaction? I decided I should shake the hose as hard as I could using its own momentum against itself. That backfired, and the sludge compounded all the more. It defies physics, I know. I think they should consider making skyscrapers out of wet paper…

I then decided to take one of my coat hangers and turn it into a stick and shove it up the hose and try to break the clog. Instead of breaking it, the sludge adapted, evolved if you will, and simply let it pass through. Improbable but indeed possible, cause it happened!

I ended up making the coat hanger into a hook and started pulling the sludge out. That actually worked, if it didn’t, I think I may have either busted out the Drain-O or have done something even stupider.

Moral of the story: If you momentarily pause for some reason, at least ponder why you would think such a thing.

Riding my bumper

On my way to work I noticed I was driving well over the speed limit. I realized I had sped up because the guy behind me was tailing me, so I subconsciously thought I was going slow. Once I realized this chump was practically sitting in my backseat, I slowed down to around the speed limit. Mind you he was driving a large V8 Toyota something that was jacked way up into the air. The road we were on was one lane so I knew since this guy’s pants were on fire and he was throwing a fit because I was going near the speed limit.

The road split into two lanes and he obviously got into the other lane (left lane) and sped off ahead. I know that this may be taken wrong, but I threw up a quick prayer and asked if he could get the next two red lights. I see him in the distance get the first light much to my delight. I chuckled and continued on my “snail” pace at near the speed limit. I got the green light, he was still way ahead and flooring it every chance he got.

The second light brought even more contentment to me. Yes, once again he had to stop and wait at the light. I’m sure he could see me smiling in the irony, since I was right behind him now. All the precious ground he covered was made up thanks to the good old traffic laws. I like them sometimes...

To top it all off, he was also headed to the Air Force base (where I work). They check IDs in two lines, he went to the right and I went to the left. The person in front of him got stopped for probably almost a minute, I not only caught up to him, I left him so far in the dust I couldn’t even make out his truck in the rear-view mirror. God is so good to me.

New Roomie

I got the email today that I have a roommate at Asbury. They gave me his email address. This will be the first time I talk to him, I’m thinking it would be funny to mess with him. What should I say to him to really throw him for a loop. Such as I’ll bring __________ or that I’ve never _____________ or that I should tell him that I ___________ . I’m throwing it back to you, what should I tell him?

Spritual Gifts

I know it has been a long time (over a week) since I’ve last posted. I have five weeks left here until I leave for seminary. I want to leave all my responsibilities here in Dayton on a good note. This means trying to get my house in order, pass off the leadership to the 20s group at my church and make sure things at the office are as ready as they can be. It is important to finish well on the chapters of life we have as well as start off on the right foot into the next chapter. 

Every idea I had for a post has officially left my head. Most everything I want to talk about isn’t really something I can share. Those seem to be the things you always want to talk about, aren’t they? I’ll say this and then leave for another couple days. Everyone I know has an opinion about Spiritual Gifts. Everyone feels so strongly that they would for some reason be willing to leave/divide churches. When it comes to actually sitting down over a couple months and really diving into the Scriptures and reading up on the scholarship to the issue, everyone disappears. It goes to a theory I’m coming to that everyone is willing to fight for what they think they’ve heard once somewhere and is backed up by superstition or a story about a guy who knows a guy who once fell in a deep hole and had Lassie come save them, blah blah blah. Yet, when you ask them to really explore all sides of the issue at hand, people are afraid of being wrong; afraid they've been putting too much stock in bad logic and will somehow be brainwashed by reason and prayer. My friend Adam and I have been at this particular topic for months, at one point we had five people (pretty weak) and now we’re down to one guy. one. I wish more people would care. By caring, I mean actually give a rip and try to understand where the truth lies in this gray area of Christianity. That way, you can be comfortable with other people's arguments because you've explored their Scriptural basis. But then again I’m not your mom. The third wave is here, love it or hate it.

Modern Christian Lit.

The Prayer of Jabez is a worthy book, so worthy it deserves all the leather bounding, gold trimming, thin paging it has received. It sits along side with other most important books for your survival as a Christian such as The Purpose Driven Life, Wild At Heart and a million other books just like them. That’s right Christian, you NEED to have this book or you won’t be as spiritual as all the other Christians out there. It will walk you through Bruce Wilkinson’s proven prayer that will bless you over and over again.
 
I’m shocked you haven’t been reading it all day long, and haven’t spent every waking moment you have learning from modern Christian books. Where would we be without Family Christian bookstore and Christianbook.com helping us find our way back to more modern pop-culture Christian literature? What would we do if someone didn’t tell us we would be much happier if we did exactly what they say? They have found a magic formula for living and you can have it! All you need to do is buy their book, their workbook that goes with it. Of course you can offset your spirituality from others around you who are doing the same thing by buying the coin, prayer shawl, floor mat, and the follow-up book. Although I haven’t actually seen these items for other books like the POJ has, most books are similar.
 
I can’t even stand to read more than a few pages in a book I was given by one of my pastors. He has given me three books and each of the three was well-written but suffered from the same problem. Every book seems to swear up and down that it isn’t about formulas and then proceeds to give some kind of formula. Granted, there are steps we take in our walk. Yet, somehow it seems like we’ve become too scientific in our thinking. Maybe it is what everyone wants, but not what we need. If all we hear on Sunday mornings is a sermon that reeks of “Self-Help” or “10 Steps To A Better Life” then we are missing the mark. 
 
Instead I find myself forced to read books by authors of old. Authors who didn’t focus on “steps”, people who didn’t know the first thing about modern psychology. These books help you meditate on God, to sit back and marvel at how good He is to us. To look at the depth of his love, of his power, of his sovereignty, these are the author’s intent. They don’t focus on men or how to fix ourselves, they focus on God. In modern literature there are some books that do this outside of the Bible, but they are infrequent not the normative. Like a machine, new formula-based, self-help and 10-steps books come out all the time. I can’t enjoy these books, something is wrong…
 
It reminds me of the wave of Christian artists coming out of Nashville, TN. It’s like they are robots built by some mad scientist. Every one of them sound somehow… fake. From Toby Mac to Avalon it all makes me sick. I am ever so thankful for the other wave of artists who are Christians like Blindside, POD, Switchfoot and others coming out of San Diego. They don’t sound like the rest of the Nashville bunch, praise God.
 
I draw this connection because I can’t help but wonder if much like there is a Christian machine in Nashville conforming its artists to some mold, the world of Christian books is being ruled by some high ranking executives who find the need to push out the same format in books year after year. It may well be that Christians are so caught up in the American advertising that we’ve become subject to its brainwashing. I think in part we naturally think that somehow the books we read can take the place God is to fill in our lives; in pop-culture it seems things that take many years aren’t worth doing… What if quite the opposite is true.

the radius of funk

More sharing about my house... In the room where our squirrels have become residents, the funk lingers. Without ceasing. Some think it comes from the wall, some from the couch, some from carpet and some think it may even come from something under the carpet. I love it when someone new first comes over. The whole room doesn't smell, just a 3 to 5 foot radius. Many times people think someone has ripped some most righteous gas, others think another guest in the room has rank feet and yet others think it is them (like I did for months). I love to watch their reactions.
 
I was reminded about it again tonight when an old friend sat down in a chair inside the radius of funk. His reaction... light a match. One match didn't seem to help, so he lit another one. I didn't say a word, I just watched him. After he strained to find the source of the smell for a good few minutes, I let him in on the secret of our room, the mysterious funk. Another friend then chimed in, who thought our shoes stunk (it must have been his first time sitting in the radius of funk).
 
To this day the funk is indescribable. Does it smell like dead animals, or maybe like old shoes? Does it smell like rotten milk or maybe some form of mold? The answer to all of these is... yes. Yes, it smells like everything bad in the world. Worse than feet, rotten milk, dead animal and even some White Castle gone bad (if you smell what I'm cookin'). It makes dorm rooms smell like mountain air and airplane cabins seem sanitary. Six weeks, and then I leave. Come soon, ATS. Come soon.

Switchfoot - Dare You To Move

Switchfoot Video
 
It still holds true.

Summer rocks.

A peaceful summer night. The cool breeze and the crickets chirping. You can watch all the lightning bugs shoot off like fire crackers or lay under the stars and just pray or chill and think about something. You can go ride your bike, run in the middle of the night, sit by the river or even on the river. Summer sure is great. Can someone remind me, why do we like cold weather again?

Untitled

It’s funny how you can get so busy that every moment of free time feels great and like something is wrong all at the same time. I meet with a guy from my church and he always is giving me books to read. This last one is suppose to be really great, greater than the last two (that I didn’t read) by a measure of total awesomeness. Yet, every time I pick up the book all I can think is, “Shouldn’t you be doing X, Y, Z?” The answer to that is, yes, I should be (now that I mention that I remember I need to go change my laundry).

I don’t make posting a daily thing because as you have guessed by now, it’s not always the most productive use of my time. I’m sure you can relate. I structure my day using the only thing I’ve ever applied from economics, the law of diminishing returns. I look at my day (which starts at 6pm and runs to 11) and try to decide what will be most beneficial and what has to be done. I’m sure you can relate to that too.

I don’t know how lame I will sound for saying this, but man, I really want to clean my room. Do you know what I’m saying? I want enough time to go and clean my room. Here’s the kicker, some of you may relate to this, when I do get time to clean my room, I don’t. I’m all gung ho about it when I can’t but when I can, then all of a sudden I’m dying to do something else, you know, X, Y, Z. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about!

The big question is does this indeed carry over into relationships too? It seems like everyone I know likes someone who doesn’t like them. Is it simply easier for us that way? When we find out a person we like, likes us back do we suddenly decide we don’t like them? It just seems a little strange to me. I think there is some weird connection.

Meijer Video

Dumples. Giving the people what they want for over 2 months. Here's the link:
What were we thinking?

and thanks Cw, for making dreams possible.

Ohio vs. Kentucky

I am moving to Kentucky at the end of August. That leaves me with around six weeks back here to finish up all the things I’m doing and pass them off into capable hands. To people here in Ohio, Kentucky is the big joke, I’m sure out in the more liberal areas Ohio is considered all farm land. It is interesting how we always think we’re superior to everyone’s living standards. No matter where I am, everyone is always trying to compare where they live to somewhere else saying that we are better somehow.

Although we all know in our scientific heads that the ground composition doesn’t really affect people’s intelligence, we assume that dumb people must live in other geographic areas. I think quite the opposite is true, everyone’s dumb. What makes a person dumb is not their grades on the ACT or the IQ test, because everyone has areas that they excel in more than others.

No, what makes people dumb is sin. The more you want to deny you have it, the dumber you really are. Smart people are people who willingly acknowledge that they are in fact hindered by sin and ask God for help with it, and others for grace.

Think about it, why to we pull the, “we’re better than you” deal? Pride. Where does this type of pride come from? Sin. Why is Ohio better than Kentucky? Why does it really matter if Ohio State beats Michigan? Why does it matter who wins the World Series? Why does it matter what brand of clothing you wear? What kind of car you drive? If you hang out with the “in” group? Where does your value come from?

Where does your value come from?

My house makes this look good.

Everyday more and more dishes pile up in our sink. It was Monday when I finished off the pile that were sitting in the sink. Now it's full once again. When I say full I mean there are dishes on the counter, both sides of the sink are so full you can't move the faucet. Now, if you've ever lived at a house with other roommates I'm sure you've seen this before. In most cases the phenomena I can only refer to as "taking turns" happens. You know, where everyone in the house takes turns washing dishes. Other people blind to their human nature believe in a more unrealistic system of "wash your own". This system has such potential except it fails for the same reason Communism fails (besides the fact that Communism outlaws God, big mistake), it depends on everyone carrying their fair share. We all know this isn’t going to happen. If you are so naive as to hold to this, come on over to my house and I’ll do my share if you do yours. Why can’t everyone just wash their dishes? I know it’s hard to understand, I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around it for nearly a year. I wash all my dishes, and usually someone else’s share when I do them. When I don’t, they just pile up higher. Does anyone have any good ideas to solve this problem? Or are there any horror stories out there?

the Snowboarder

Steven snowboards

Here's a picture of my brother snowboarding. Ok, so he's actually strapped to sled and my sister, my cousin, and I are all standing behind him posing for the picture. You would think that after he broke his arm that would stop us. Nope, just the opposite actually, all three of us that were making fun of him, instead of skiing, were snowboarding the next day. See our grandfather is a ski instructor here in Ohio so we’ve been skiing since we were five. Snowboarding on the other hand we proved to be very ill equiped to do. I can't tell you how many times I ate snow that day on the slopes of Colorado.

Ray Comfort

Disclaimer: Before I continue, let me say that I haven’t taken a few days to reflect on the implications or to what extent he is correct. Now, on with the post!

I’ve been listening to Ray Comfort, I’ve been told he is excellent from many of my friends who have stumbled across his materials within the past few months. Specifically, on his website: http://www.livingwaters.com/listenwatch.shtml
I’ve been listening to the sermon titled, “Hell’s Best Kept Secret”. It definitely is making me think about the approach I’ve been taught in evangelism. To what extent do we need to emphasize the state of a sinner and how do we go about it? What areas are being neglected by the modern message of God’s redemption of mankind? I would encourage you do either listen to it online (which I know can be hard to do) or download it and burn it to a CD and listen to it. After you’ve listened to it, let me know what you think of it.

Birds

I don’t know how everyone else feels about birds but I don’t like’em. Now, if I didn’t own a car I may feel differently, but I do. Don’t get me wrong my 2000 CR-V is not exactly the “hot-rod” of cars, but I try to keep it moderately clean. I don’t plan on getting another car for many years to come so I’m trying to keep it in good shape.

If you hear me on this, let me know. I can wash my car and it will shine, boy howdy. Just like being in someone’s wedding guarantees you’ll never see them again, when I wash my car it is a guarantee that a flock of birds will crap on it. It used to make me mad when I first got my car a year ago. Over time I’ve learned to just be moderately annoyed and take greater pleasure in eating chicken and turkey. I’ve decided to write birds off. They just don’t seem compassionate. Ok, I guess I shouldn’t be talking since I’m telling you how much pleasure I get from eating birds now… but, they started it! Ok, so maybe I ate chicken and turkey before they started crapping on my car, but I did have a parakeet when I was a kid growing up! That should so even things out!

Here’s the thing, they don’t JUST crap all over my car. They also crap all over my car windows too! That’s so disgusting! Why in the crap do you have to crap all over my windows!?!??! Do I go and crap all over your birds nest?!?!?! NO! Do I get up at 6 in the morning and start playing my music really loud right outside your bedroom!?!?! NO! Woops. I guess that just kinda slipped out. But while it is out in the open, why do they pick my bedroom window to sit on and start singing before the sun rises!?!?!? If they were smart enough to know that I do eat other members of their bird family then I would understand. It’s not like I’m eating their brother, it’s more like their great aunt Margaret who they didn’t even like in the first place!

So once again today I have to go out and clean my car again. They got the hood really good. I mean the bird that got my car has to be the Birdzilla of all birds. The crap is easy 4” in diameter! Four inches! Sick! I’m just waiting for the day when I see this 30 lb. bird the size of a large dog flying around. I’m not a NRA member, but if these birds keep taking out my car, I may consider it. It’s not like I live in the country… Birds. Sick.

Tv makes me sick!

It is scary how watching even a bit of tv drains your life. I mean working at an office all day can be draining on occasion, but television ranks way higher in my book on the suck-the-life-out-of-you meter. The only thing that I think sucks the life out of you more would be the ex or someone who constantly complains (and in some scary cases, I’m sure that’s the same person!).

Anyway, I remembered just how depressing watching tv is when I turned it on tonight to relax. We don’t have cable because at our bachelor pad, we don’t watch it much except some sports and an occasional Simpsons episode. Most of the time I’m out with some people doing something. Tonight I thought I would see what the regular couch potatoes watch. I felt hypnotized and somehow it makes you want to keep watching. It’s so weird. I don’t know why it happens, but yuck.

You know what I’m talking about, you turn it on and there’s nothing you want to see. For some strange reason, you don’t turn it off, you just keep watching. I’m not sure if it is because watching tv takes less energy than sleeping or if it is because I feel too tired to go and read or what. I just sit there and start to feel worse and worse. By the time I turn it off I agree I won’t watch it for another month and see what happens. You would think I had learned my lesson the first time, but I keep coming back like a moth to the flames…

I also realized that tv seems worse than I remember it. It seems like everyone has problems that are magically solved in 20 minutes, the women are all so slender that a good wind would send them into the next program, and for some reason everyone seems to live in a mansion.

Take a month off of watching tv. No, seriously. You won’t want to go back. And when you do, you’ll feel sick and won’t do it again for a while.