Squirrels talk

There are these squirrels that live in my house. I do mean IN my house. They (the squirrels) live with the raccoons in the walls, the giant ants, the little ants, the infestation of spiders and the mice that eat our food in the kitchen. I LOVE this house. I might as well leave my front door open and invite bears, stray cat and rabid dogs while we’re making it a party. Oh, did I mention we have mosquitoes too? I just got bit IN my house… Anyway, about the squirrels... I didn’t realize when I moved into my residence that squirrels actually talk. How did I find out that they talked? Back in the fall I was watching a college football game with some other guys and we heard some noises in the ceiling. Realizing it was some animal running around in the ceiling, we did what any self-respecting guy would do, we beat the crap out of the ceiling. Low and behold, we figured out that there were squirrels that had chewed a hole in the side of the house’s insulation and found their way into our ceiling. One day when I was in the backyard I see a squirrel making a beeline for the hole in the side of our house. I run, grab a cup that was sitting on the back porch and chase the squirrel. Yeah, I’m sure it looked stupid but hey I was stopping it from getting in our house temporally… The squirrel changes directions and heads for the roof instead of the hole. Once it was out of my reach, it just sat on the roof and looked at me. Seriously! I hate squirrels. It’s like they purposely stand right out of your reach and ask what you think you’re going to do about it. I take the cup in my hand and throw it at the squirrel. It moves, dodging the cup (I wish he was on my dodge ball team back in school) and then stands on its hind legs and starts cussing me out in squirrel. It was absolutely yelling at me. It wasn’t like a howl, no, it was like a whole bunch of squirrel chatter, I’m telling you that squirrel was painting in profanity like other artists might paint in oils. Seeing that he was mad, I stuck out my chest and flung my arms out. I won the battle, but the war raged on. Another story, another time.